Happy Things

Last week I went to the doctor for my regular prenatal checkup.

All is well at 31 weeks, however I have been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. They're perfectly normal, I'm just having more than I should be - enough that my doctor directed me to "take it easy". In other words, hold off on the twice daily walks with my coworker around the Library rotunda (which are generally pretty slow going unless we talk about Lost or UK Basketball, in which case we can get going pretty good.) Make Roy cook dinner, don't clean up around the house, and just relax for a week. I'm not dilated at all (great news!) but I have an ultrasound Tuesday to check things out.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty lazy person, a couch potato. And I am... to a certain extent. But wow, this week has proved MUCH harder than I had thought. Roy has been great, but we have different standards. I've known this, but relinquishing control has been a challenge and he has been getting mad at me when he finds me cleaning the kitchen or sorting laundry. "I can't help it!" I exclaim, because it's true. It's like an itch that must be scratched. I didn't realize how much of a stress release it is to clean, or how important a clean house is to me. Tidy is another thing. I am NOT tidy, as any visitor can attest.

But today - Sunday - I'm going to try to take it as easy as possible. I know very well that I might not have an excuse to take a lazy day again for a long time.

So, a blog. A blog about all the beautiful things that I've been seeing in my life lately. They're mostly of Sophie. A coincidence? Probably not.


A date with Sophie to Disney on Ice, and a pre-show dinner at a very nice restaurant in Lexington.


It's blurry, but we find this little name written everywhere. Without prompting. Can you see me beaming with pride?

Sibling love. In every good picture of Sophie, I couldn't get Riley to cooperate.

and in every good picture of Riley, Sophie had her hand in her mouth.

Green against blue.

Father and son.

My little reader.

Sophie and her dear friend and cousin on the day we tie dyed until dark.

The first Farmer's Market of the season.

Cousin love.

And again, Sophie and cousin Aubrey singing LOUDLY their ABC's from the hymnal, site reading along the notes. I took this picture at a funeral (before it started) for the very sad, unexpected death of my step-mother in law's dad. It brought a few smiles into the sad faces of the people around us.

After last night's thunderstorm, everything around us is green and beautiful. We've needed the rain and the plants are rejoicing.

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

step-momming it

I'm not going to lie. Being 20 years old, moving in with my future husband, and accepting the motherly responsibility of a 2 year old (even part-time) was not exactly what I was looking to add to my carefree and uninhibited life. Indeed, I knew about Riley from the time he was born so nothing about his presence in Roy's life was a surprise, and yet I struggled to accept exactly what this meant for me.

One day, while we were driving to see this already kind and empathetic boy, Roy said something that forever changed my life.

Riley didn't choose to be here.

Oh.my. Was my attitude not the very definition of selfishness?

10 years later, my life has been blessed and rewarded by the presence of an amazing 12 year old boy.

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. How to sum up Riley and how to sum up my experience as a step-mom.

Riley turned 12 in March and, sadly, our picture drought has affected him most of all. I was glad to get these two pictures from his birthday party - his family birthday party (not the Dungeons and Dragons party with a tray of chic-fil-a nuggets that we hosted in our basement lair.)

The first, pure joy upon opening the cell phone that Roy and I got him. (those with other 12 year olds know how hard that "real" smile is to capture.)

and this, which shows his patience and love of his little sister and cousins - who completely revere him.
Riley is an amazing big brother, not only to Sophie but also to his other brother and sister who are 2 and 4. He is terribly excited to add another rugrat to the mix. His empathy is astounding. He balances a life between Dungeons and Dragons and football that I find remarkable. Last year, when he played "King Louie" in his school production of "The Jungle Book", he said, "being in the play isn't popular, but I really like it so I don't care." I hope he never loses this self assurance.

He's smelly like a 12 year old, dawdles uncontrollably, and is starting to voice his keen interest in the opposite sex - something that Roy seems a little bit conflicted over. He's very into magic tricks and loves to put on shows for us after dinner. And he loves - I mean loves - bacon.

When the Wii first came out we asked him if he would rather have a Wii or a table full of bacon for Christmas. His reply, "How big is the table?" We got him the Wii, but sometimes he wonders out loud if he made the right decision.

As a step-mom, I'm at a great advantage because Riley has no memory of Roy without me; I've always been here.

Being a stepmom is not like being a mom to Sophie and it's important to me not to show preference or a difference of treatment. That's not always easy - not because I love Sophie more than Riley - but because our relationships are so different.

Riley has a mom - a mom he loves as any son should! I am not a replacement for that. He's always called me "Anna" and I've never encouraged any other name. Still, I am a guiding force in his life.

I walk a fine line between pushing too hard and letting him float. Food is an uphill battle, so how hard do I push? We have him rarely and we want to make his visits at our house pleasant, so it feels unfair to make him work too hard during his time there - yet taking out the recycling is good for him.

It's no secret that Roy and I live a very different life than his mom and step-dad; from our politics to our lifestyle, we couldn't be more opposite. Roy makes him defend his arguments with the force that only a Student Congress and Debate Team participant could encourage, and I quiz him on fruit and vegetable identification, control his participation in violent games and movies, and we are both proud of his musical tastes.

We don't see Riley as much as any of us would like - only every other weekend - but as he's gotten older he asks to come more often. We've encouraged this and made it very clear that he can stay with us as much as he likes. I think the current draw to our home is that we're watching Lost (on Season 3 at the time of this post) and he's more than a little bit obsessed. I like to think that we're the reason he wants to come every weekend and not his budding crush on Kate Austin.

He was born a Pisces, the sign of which is two fish swimming in opposite directions. We already see this in his life and I think it will be a persistent force. My greatest hope for him is that this polarity will take him on a path of kindness and diplomacy. He once told us, "I have 2 moms, 2 dads, 4 grandpa's, 5 grandma's... I am the luckiest kid in the world." As a parent, step or otherwise, isn't that the most we can ever hope for our children to feel?