Tie Dye Avenger

The Kiddos

2012-01-28T15:24:00.004-05:00

It's hard to believe my little guy is 19 months.
He is, I think, the happiest kid I know. He rarely throws a tantrum and is so much fun I can hardly stand it. He doesn't talk (other than mama and hi) but points, grunts, and jumps to draw attention to whatever it is he wants. While I'm not really worried about the fact that he doesn't talk, it sure would be nice if he'd start.
Sophie translates most of his grunts for us, which I'm sure is partly why he's behind, but my mother in law tells me that Roy started talking late and we all know that he's not the quiet type. Our pediatrician said that one day Miller will wake up and say, "Mommy, will you please make me some pancakes?" Sounds about right.
We enjoyed an always-too-brief but wonderful visit to SD for Christmas where these two got to spend some time together.
Miller eats pretty much everything you put in front of him and goes back for seconds. His favorite food is green beans, but he'll put away nearly every vegetable. Roy seems somewhat concerned by this, but I assure him he'll grow up just fine eating fresh green things. Miller is gentle, has a tremendous love of animals and music, loves his sister, his big brother, and going for walks outside. We are so blessed to have such a lovable little guy.

This one... this one is trouble.
Okay, not really. But where to start? Sophie is still the kind and gentle soul that she always has been, but is a worrier - just like I was as a kid. She sings in the choir at church, but hardly opens her mouth at performance time. She's shy and clingy one minute and then next is leading a group of kids around the playground.

Sometimes she just seems so old.
She and Ella had a fantastic time together at Christmas. They have been writing letters to each other since the holiday and my brother and I agree that watching this relationship develop will continue to be such a joy.
Sophie also bonded with Grandma and Grandpa - in a variety of ways!Sophie is such a sweet girl. She's definitely testing limits and seeing how much she can get away with, but in the end she wants to be good. We have lots of conversations about God and about why bad people exist (she worries about kidnappers). Every picture she draws includes a rainbow and someone smiling. I love watching her grow up.

This one is illusive.
He is almost 14 (!!) and is in the final year of middle school. Riley has a great interest in film making (in the above picture he's playing with his Flip Video Camera) and loves movies, music, and girls. He is the apple of Sophie and Miller's eye and as far as 13 year olds go, pretty amazing.

It's not all roses, of course. Roy is working nights which makes for exhausting evenings and the kids miss him. I have the schedule of most working moms (job, dinner, baths, books, bed) that leaves me tired and daydreaming about a weekend away with my husband and I have no idea how my house gets so messy so quickly! But this right here... this makes it all worth it.

Construction

2012-01-08T21:42:00.002-05:00

My blogs have been sparse for two reasons.

1. I have the incorrect impression that if I don't post pictures, I shouldn't post a blog. I need to get over that.

2. In the midst of the holiday season and chasing an active 1 year old (Miller is CRAZY), and planning for my new role as Girl Scout Troop Leader, I've been helping with the finishing stages of our second floor addition. Last summer - and by last summer I mean last LAST summer - Roy cut a hole in our roof and added a little more than 300 sf to our house, including a bathroom. We still have to put down carpet, which we currently can't afford, fix an issue with the closet door, and install the vanity, toilet and surround in the bathroom, but after 18 months we are ALMOST DONE.

I'll take pictures and post them when I get a chance. Thank the freaking lord!

Happiness Runs

2011-10-30T14:52:00.003-04:00

Note to the Reader: I recommend listening to Donovan's Happiness Runs while you read this. "You can have everything if you let yourself be."

I have unexpectedly found myself in a quiet house. This morning at church there was a call for help moving pews around 2:00, and at 3 the youth are holding a Fall Festival Sophie's excited about. Miller (per his usual) is napping his Sunday afternoon away.

In the midst of photo uploads I have multi-tasked my way through lunch dishes and have the kettle on for tea. After I'm finished here I'll catch up on Project Runway and fold ALL the laundry from yesterday. This is so good.

But on to other things.

In the midst of the Sophie school move drama, the daily routine of breakfast-school/work-dinner-homework-games-books-baths, Girl Scouts, Angel Choir, Board Meetings, and Football games, we've had some sweet, sweet moments.

Like frisbee in the front yard.and fans watching from the sidelines.
Miller crawled up here by himself, btw.This morning I walked in to find Sophie feeding Miller some of her scrambled eggs. They are such good friends and my heart leaps with joy.
During a recent trip to Bluffton, Katie and I lamented that we didn't get enough pictures. When I got home, I found that when this girl gets the camera, she captures some sweet moments.
And I happened to catch a few myself.
I love everything about this picture, including Miller crawling on floor and his cousin looking down at him. These three boys are going to be fun.

In this busy time (which will only get busier) during uncertainty and transition, I listen to Donovan's words:

Happiness runs in a circular motion
Thought is like a little boat upon the sea.
Everybody is a part of everything anyway,
You can have everything if you let yourself be.
Happiness runs, happiness runs.

Yup.

School

2011-10-24T17:15:00.000-04:00

Last week, after about 10 weeks at her elementary school, Sophie transferred. Without going into all the details, we had the opportunity to move her from one of the lowest performing schools in the city to one of the best. And while we struggled with the guilt of abandoning our struggling neighborhood school, we couldn't pass up the opportunity to move her. In the transfer we gave up walking to and from school each day, which saddened all of us. Still, it was the right decision.

At her old school, Sophie was at the top of her class. Now? She probably falls in the bottom quarter. Frankly, this is a sign to us that we made the right decision.

We are so happy Sophie is now getting such an amazing education. Every week she has an hour of drama, music and art! Her teacher is committed to her school in ways that have simply knocked my socks off, and the school is so well organized I know exactly when everything is happening for the coming year - and boy is there a lot! That wasn't the case at her old school.

And yet we feel a great deal of frustration over the fact that the kids who are struggling at her old school will continue to struggle. The best principal and the best teachers should be there, not in the rich neighborhoods! Of course every child (parent) had the opportunity to transfer, but few made that choice. And by making the choice to pull out Sophie, we took from that school a good student, active parents, and people with a desire to make a change.

Every day our decision to transfer Sophie is affirmed. The community garden in association with the Temple next door. The not too hard, not too easy level of homework that comes home each night. The professionalism of the staff. The fact that Sophie says she "didn't have a good day" and yet is happy and excited and talking about what she does.

But there's a pang of sadness every time I drive by that school, where the teachers are doing the best they can and the families are poor and I, with my privilege, drive my daughter to a better school across town.

Sisterly Advice for Baby Care

2011-10-24T09:08:00.000-04:00

"When you hold Miller, you have to be very gentle. And when you put him down, you have to set him down gently, just like a baby turtle."

Happy Days

2011-09-18T15:18:00.006-04:00

"I'm excited about the life we're giving our children" I told Roy after church. We were going to Five Guys for a post-Baptism celebration as our two youngest were baptized and became members of St. Michael's. Not very Mennonite of me, I know, but it's an important part of their (our) lives at this church. And this became more and more apparent as the growingly familiar faces of the congregation greeted us with true, heartfelt joy.
Also this weekend, Sophie enrolled in Girl Scouts. I put it that way because while I filled out the paperwork, she said she absolutely wanted to join. We had a great time at the little Get To Know You function and there was plenty of this:
but much to my joy, there was also this:
We are so lucky to have the friends and family, the jobs, the means, and the opportunity to enjoy our life and the world around us. I am not naive enough to recognize that we, by the nature of our skin color, the families who raised us, and the luck of our jobs, that we are able to enjoy our bounty. The very least I can do is stop to enjoy it every once in a while.

kiddos

2011-09-11T22:10:00.000-04:00

I had intended to have many, many more photos in this post but Blogger's not cooperating and I have like 10 free minutes, so hey! Look at me! I'm blogging!!

A lot has happened in the last 6 weeks, including our brand new kindergartener.
Sophie's adjusting. She doesn't handle change very well and she is pretty timid around people she doesn't know, so that's pretty much everyone at schoo. She hasn't found friends yet and she misses her group from the daycare, but she'll get there. She's definitely enjoying the structured learning environment and while she doesn't really like to talk about her day, she'll say random things that tells me she's learning a whole lot - and enjoying it.

This little girl, who just turned 5, is an amazingly silly and loving little girl who needs a lot of affirmation and love from her parents. Good thing she is sooooo darn loveable. And then there's this guy.
Our little 1 year old Caterpillar is a trip. I know this boy could walk, but I don't think he sees the point. He will walk along, holding (barely) onto any surface, let go, and slowly lower himself into a crawl. He loves food - LOVES food - and like his sister, is a big fan of music. If I'm playing the guitar or piano, I hear the flap flap of arms and legs and he races into the room to crawl into my lap and help. And he will clap and bounce to pretty much any song. Oh he has so much joy in him.
As busy and crazy as life is right now (because there's also work, Roy's schooling, Festival stuff, Riley's football, Sophie's Angel Choir, and the shopping and planning and cooking and cleaning that comes with running a household) I couldn't be luckier if I tried.

Time

2011-08-29T08:47:00.003-04:00

I have 3 blog posts nearly written. I have taken pictures, uploaded them to iPhoto, and all I have to do is move them to a folder and upload them to appropriate post.

Oh this month has been fun! A 9 year anniversary and thirty-something birthday! A party with our friends and a trip to the State Fair! Swimming lessons! Kindergarten! A first JV Football game for an 8th grader! All documented in photos.

But this business of living? Of child raising and cleaning and cooking and gardening and sweeping and laundry and working and meal planning and the rare opportunity to sit on the couch and watch TV without a child asking to watch Spongebob or the other who has just learned to hold his arms up and YELL mama!

woo wee.

Blogging is the thing that has suffered. I just can't seem to find the time. I'm thinking I may just put up a mass photo dump - if for no other reason than to please my mom.

Rediscovering Jesus

2011-08-12T17:30:00.003-04:00

Sophie has been wandering around the house singing, "All day, all night, angels watching over me my lord". When I found it in my Rise Up Singing you would've thought I had just announced that it would be her birthday for the next 2 months.

I'll be the first to admit that I have hang ups about religion. This is largely due to my own experiences with the exclusive, guilt inducing cliques from high school, the intolerance and hypocrisy that I see from so many Christians, and my own beloved Mennonite Church's stance on homosexuality... truly, I could go on and on.

My belief in God has never faltered, but I hadn't regularly attended church since I was 18 (unless you count Friday Mass at the Catholic Worker, so let's say 19). After Sophie was born I started church shopping, only to get discouraged by the fire and brimstone, the electrified services, the Big! Screen! with the songs and the preacher... so I kind of gave up. While that is exactly what some people love about worship, that's just not for me.

We found out about St. Michael's at a cocktail party (good omen) and we went the very next day. Soon after, Roy and I started taking communion. Now we kneel. We pray. We share the peace. We are enjoying the community and focused quiet that comes with church. And we are certainly enjoying the inclusive, peace-loving, Believe Out Loud church that we and our children will soon become members of.

Still, when my daughter brings home a Jesus Loves Me coloring book, my instinct is to shrink into a corner. And once a week, when she asks me about Jesus, what do I say?

This has been a cathartic exercise for me. I channel my dad who always focused on Jesus the teacher, not Jesus the savior. "Jesus was a rebel" I tell her. "He preached love and peace and tolerance and asked the rich to give away all of their things to the poor. And he was killed because of it." We sing "Jesus Christ" by Woody Guthrie and talk about justice, goodness, turning the other cheek.

In the past we've talked to Sophie about peace, but let's face it - it doesn't really come up. She's a good kid who doesn't fight with others. We don't talk about Israel or the Middle East. We don't talk about the killing of Bin Laden or the conflict so many of us felt at his death. So talking about Jesus is the perfect opportunity to instil the values of justice in my kind (and impressionable) little girl.

And it's a good reminder for me, too.

The Lake

2011-08-07T17:28:00.004-04:00

After a couple of days in Freeman, we headed off to Okoboji, IA We rented a big condo on the lake and my folks, Jeremy, and his kids joined us a day later. At the end of vacation, I asked Roy what the highlight of our vacation was. He said drinking his morning coffee on the deck.
Prior to the rest of my family's arrival we took in some mini golf ( I won) and go cart riding.

I'll post another blog featuring the amazing pictures my brother took from our day on the boat, but other than that, this pretty much sums it up.
I have no idea what mom is reading to Oliver in this picture. I like to think it's Redbook.
While there I purchased a very large hat to shield me from the sun. It was one of the most useful purchases I have made. I think Miller agrees.
As I've grown I've realized how much I enjoy vacationing with my family. No one is imposing on anyone else, no one has deadlines or work responsibilities. I highly recommend this way of connecting with those you love.

Comment of the Day

2011-08-07T17:00:00.002-04:00

I'm implementing a new feature on my blog: The Comment of the Day. It may not be humorous to anyone but me and Roy, and it certainly won't be every day, but I need SOMEWHERE to write them down and I'm on the computer a lot. So now, without further adieu, today's Comment of the Day.

Riley, rationalizing to us why we should turn of KET (Our Public TV Station):

"Why do you need to watch KET? You're already educated."

followed very closely by,

"You can't ask a house anything!"

There's no place like home.

2011-08-06T15:27:00.000-04:00

I've always thought I grew up on the prettiest street in town.
Our original plan was to go to Colorado this summer, but as I thought about it I felt more and more drawn to my hometown. We spent a few days in Freeman, then went to Lake Okiboji, IA (another post), then back to Freeman for a few more. Still, almost all the pictures I took were on the first day when my folks set up the pool in the back yard.
Miller was content to stay out of the pool and observe.

and Riley quickly found a spot to be a teenager.With all the time we spent at the pool, walking in the arboretum, and even our trip to the Lake, THIS is what I was looking for on our trip home. And we got it in spades.

Time

2011-07-01T14:34:00.002-04:00

I was going through old pictures and came across this one.
Moments earlier I had taken this.
Oh my.

One

2011-06-26T18:28:00.005-04:00

Today, my baby turns 1. It's hard not to focus on those first tender moments in the hospital. I think about his birth often and with a pang of "never again". Not 'never again' meaning we won't have more kids (not to start rumors or anything!) but in 'never again' with this one. Still, I'm not the parent who mourns every birthday. I want my children to grow, to learn, to become amazing and awesome adults. And heaven help me, I want them to move out one day and go to college (or not) and fall in love (or not) and be happy (fingers crossed).

But those first moments/days of quiet and newness... I do miss them.

Today we celebrated Miller's first year of life and the beginning of his second.

His sister made the cake.
His daddy decorated it.And he loved it.Birthday's mean cousins, much like mine did when I was little. This 4 - now fivesome - are as close as cousins get. and I am grateful.
My baby, my boy, is one. I've been so overcome, I couldn't read aloud the birthday prayer today at church. Indeed. Happy Birthday my sweet, sweet boy.

Festival Weekend

2011-06-16T20:40:00.000-04:00

Well, it's over for another year. The 38th Annual Festival of the Bluegrass concluded Sunday morning. Preparing for an event of this magnitude is like running a full on sprint. And when it's over, you can't just stop on the finish line; you have to run through. That's what we're doing this week: running through. And we're tired.

Mom and dad came for the weekend to watch the kids. In the process dad took about a gazillion pictures and - lo and behold - they both enjoyed some music. Dad had the best seat in the house for many bands, including the Steep Canyon Rangers.

We were lucky to have cool places to retreat to, and elder Cornett's willing to rest with the younger.
And there were lots of moments like these.

There are no pictures of Riley because that boy was always working or swimming or playing. He was hard to come by! But he had fun getting to know his cousins better, which is a big part of the Festival, too. And he's probably glad that most of his antics aren't displayed on this blog.

Saturday night, things were winding down and Roy and I sat at the office - really together for the first time in nearly a week. It had cooled down after days in the 90s and we were able to take in the fruits of all our hard work. Frankly, it's hard to digest it all right now. I'm still too tired. But looking at this picture I do remember how I felt, holding Roy's hand while the folks around us cheered for the Seldom Scene. The 38 year old legacy continues and boy am I one lucky girl to be a part of it.

The Kids

2011-05-30T10:43:00.004-04:00

So I almost kept my promise of pictures of the kids in 1 week. Oh well.

I was going to start this post with some sentiment about how great our summer has been so far, but then I realized that it's not even summer yet! And I found myself feeling so thankful that we get our busiest time of the year (Festival time) out of the way so early in June.

Despite having been too busy to take the time to blog, we've been doing so much and been having such fun.

Hoolahooping.
Trips to the zoo and an amazing Mother's Day weekend in Cincinnati. (yes, this is the only picture I took)
Sophie was introduced to Star Wars and has decided that she wants to be Darth Vader for Halloween. She's been wearing this mask around the house for weeks.This guy turns 1 in less than a month.
He still doesn't crawl, nor does he walk, but he gets around like crazy, scooting and rolling. Sophie wasn't doing either of these things at his age either, and boy was I worried. But not so with him. I have no doubt he'll be crawling by the time he gets to college.

Oh, and the resemblance to this guy is pretty amazing.
We celebrated the birthday of Sophie's best friend in a 6 1/2 hour party that was cut short by a thunderstorm - at 9:30PM! As one of the only native English speakers and one of only 3 white people, it was an amazing cultural experience for me. And the food was AMAZING.

These guys are in town, and I was lucky enough to secure a spot for Roy to talk to his Grandma about her childhood and the Festival of the Bluegrass. Listen on Friday mornings!

We've gone on LOTS of bike rides, nearly every one resulting in a trip to the elementary school where Sophie will begin Kindergarten in the fall.
We've also continued to go to church (much to my mother's shock). We have found a spiritual home at St. Michael's Church, as much for the kind and welcoming people who attend as for the Rector, Mother Laurie, who preaches every Sunday on inclusion and tolerance. There is no doubt where this church stands on homosexuality. This past Sunday her sermon focused on the song, "The Revolution will not be Televised". Radical theology. Traditional service with hymns, incense, and an awesome choir. Hallelujah, Amen.

And there continues to be sibling love. Although Miller is getting older and more adventurous and Sophie is getting more possessive of her toys and resistant to sharing, their relationship bonds are growing and when they look at each other, I can literally see the love. Oh joy of joys.

Time

2011-05-22T22:10:00.002-04:00

I took pictures this weekend for the sole purpose of putting them on this blog, but it's 10:10pm and I have just - JUST - finished my work for the weekend. And oh you know that the word "finished" is such a tricky little word. Really, finished? With laundry still in the dryer? Dog hair on the floor? Sophie's cereal bowl is in the sink and I swear that I still smell like potting soil. Finished? Sure. Why not.

I just don't have it in me to put photos on the computer.

But really, what a full and satisfying weekend. Saturday, I hit the Farmer's Market and got lots of housework done before heading to a 6 hour birthday party for Sophie's best friend. Her family is from Mexico and this was a party unlike any I had ever been too. I came back sunburned, exhausted, and full of the most delicious food ever. Today was church, (radically liberal theology, brilliantly traditional worship service - but that's a whole other post) gardening, over the fence chats with the neighbors, games with Sophie during the brief rain shower, and then the folding of so.much.laundry - not to mention the impromptu bath to clean the spaghetti off of Miller. A rite of passage, no?

And have I mentioned the 38th Annual Festival of the Bluegrass is 18 days away? My evenings have been filled with ticket orders, website updates, and phone calls. It's a good kind of busy, but busy is busy is busy.

So yes. Pictures. Mom, I swear - I'll post them THIS WEEK. xoxo

loving, doing, and believing

2011-04-16T08:21:00.003-04:00

I am enjoying a rare, quiet Saturday morning. The grandparents called and asked if they could have a grandkid sleepover (with Miller!) on Friday night. Who were we to deny such a request?

Roy and I had a great (and much needed) evening together - movie and beers at the Move Tavern and dinner at Smashing Tomato - and now I am loving this morning. I should be taking advantage of the childless house by starting my Saturday cleaning routine (a task so much harder with the little ones around) but the coffee is too good, the alone time too luxurious, and who am I kidding? The mess will wait around for an hour or two.

I have been thinking a lot about the old adage, "April showers bring May flowers" because holy moly, we have had RAIN up in the Bluegrass! My daffodils have bloomed and died already, my Dogwood tree is blooming, and on every walk or bike ride down the street, we spot another color tulip. And it's during this season that I walk into the backyard in the morning to see it looking like this:
I love spring.

Earlier this week, Miller got his first wagon ride to the park.

This boy is so stinkin' cute. He has my heart in the wee itty bitty palm of his hand.
And we've had much silliness with this 4 year old around.
It's hard to believe I'll be enrolling her in kindergarten on Monday.

Things around here have been so good. We've finally found a church to attend - St. Michael's Episcopal - that encompasses everything I want from a church: a radically liberal theology and conservative, traditional service. Things at work are terrific. And while I'll admit that 4 has not brought out my best parenting moments, this little girl rocks my world.
My great-grandma had a saying. 'You need someone to love, something to do, and something to believe in.' Somehow I've been blessed with that trifecta in spades.

Kids

2011-03-27T08:48:00.006-04:00

Lately I have been very focused on my daily routine. Wake up. Drink coffee. Shower. Get ready for work. Work. Get home. Fix dinner. Clean dishes. Clean children. (sometimes that order is reversed) Make coffee and set coffee maker for the next morning. Play with the kids. Give bottles. Put Miller to bed. Convince Sophie to eat more of her dinner before she can have a snack. Find a snack Sophie and I can agree upon. Take Sophie to bed or, if it's Roy's turn, enjoy the quiet on the couch until it's my turn to go in a scratch her back. Then, catch up on 30 minutes - 1 hour of TV. Go to bed. Fall asleep mid-chapter. Sleep. Repeat.

Sadly, if I deviate from this routine (or my Saturday clean-laundry-clean-laundry routine) things just seem to fall apart, leaving me more work for the following day.

It leaves little time for spontaneity.

This is just life right now, and it will get easier. And despite the frustrations that sometimes come from Sophie putting her new Cinderella crown into wet red paint she was just using and I being the one who gets the most aggravated by the consistent mess that plagues us, I have never been happier.

Here are just a few reasons why:
Miller turns 9 months today (say WHAT!?) and is just the cutest little bug that ever was. Our little Caterpillar isn't crawling, but he will sit for ages in the middle of the room, surrounded by toys, LOOKING. As a friend recently commented, "I don't think he blinks." His eyes are HUGE and he is just taking it all in.
He babbles constantly and loves to throw his body onto Roy or Riley and rough house. He is such a joy.

Sophie is an amazing big sister and we have really been enjoying the warm weather of late (though this morning there is snow. Go figure.) She bikes to school nearly every day and sometime this summer the training wheels will come off.
I think she uses a new word just about every day and is desperate to learn to read. She is very excited for Kindergarten. And she looooves to draw.
We've been outside so much already this year. Last year I was so pregnant I struggled to get out into the yard. This year, nothing has stopped us. Sophie will be an active participant in our kitchen garden and she is anxious to get out into the dirt.
Four has been somewhat of a struggle for me. She acts out when she's embarrassed, doesn't cooperate when we skype with my parents, and will revert to baby talk for long stretches at a time. I think she's also adjusting to a growing body - she falls down a lot.
But still, she is my darling little girl. She's very affectionate and loves to snuggle. She's also SO silly. Last night we went to Disney Princess on Ice with her cousin.Oh what a time those girls had!
And then there's this guy:
Riley turned 13 this month and asked for clothes - CLOTHES! - for his birthday. So we went shopping. He is such a great kid. He's an amazing big brother and is such a smart, funny kid. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.

We celebrated with the biggest pizza we could find.
Spring has sprung, despite the current lapse in reasoning that caused snow this March morning. More time spent in the dirt. My hunt for a porch swing continues. And my feet will get dirtier, my skin will get browner, and the long days in the hot sun are just around the corner. Oooh yes.

We Share a Common Ancestry

2011-02-24T17:07:00.004-05:00

Sam and Fannie, to be exact. Greats to us. Great Greats to the kids. And boy aren't we lucky.

Accepting My Limitations

2011-02-05T15:57:00.003-05:00

Sometimes things just don't work out the way I want them to in my head. I'm having to accept a few things.

1. Two kids IS harder than one. Not doubly hard, but harder. I can't show Miller the same attention that I showed Sophie as a baby. That's just the way it is. And that's ok.

2. I want to make all of Miller's baby food but in reality, I just don't have time. Getting off work at 5, home by 20 after, dinner on no later than 6:30, clean up, baths and/or puzzles and games, bedtimes and if all goes well, I'm on the couch with my feet up by 9:00. Frankly, I would rather open a beer and catch up on 30 Rock than steam and puree sweet potatoes. So, my second born gets Gerber baby food. And that's ok.

3. For a couple of months, Miller was waking up every single hour. If it wasn't every hour, it was every two. And a "good night" meant that he only woke up at 11pm, 3am, and 6am (and didn't go back to sleep after that.) He would wake, nurse for 15 seconds, and go back to sleep. That's all well and good, but month after month of 6 hours of sporadic sleep was starting to take its toll. He didn't want to sleep in our bed or our cosleeper and his crib is in our room, so I moved onto the couch and Roy stayed with him. And we let Miller cry. Roy would pat his back, make sure he was dry and comfortable, talk to him and let him know it was ok, but not feed him or pick him up. I laid on the couch fighting every maternal instinct not to go pick him up when I heard him cry. But the second night, he cried less and the third, even less. Finally, he was only crying out once or twice a night and then it was for less than a minute. It took about 5 days and he was sleeping through the night. I'm not proud of letting my baby cry, but I needed sleep. I needed sanity. And that's ok.

4. The hardest one, the one that's given me the most heartache, is to stop nursing. The honest truth is that this boy prefers the bottle. For months, I have listened to his hungry cries as he refuses the breast, only to lay next to me screaming while I pump his bottle. Nursing is getting more and more difficult as my supply wanes and I come home from work with less than 6 oz of milk to show for my 3-times-per-day pumping. So he gets formula in most of his bottles and, though I grit my teeth when I say it, that's ok.

I had a great talk with a coworker of mine whose perspective of life I so appreciate. She said that so many people ask, is your child walking? is he talking? how many teeth does he have? can she read? can she write? is she ready for Kindergarten? But no one ever asks, is your child kind? is she a good friend? Aren't those the most important skills they will take into their life?

I must accept my limitations. I can't make all of Miller's baby food. I can't function without sleep. I can't nurse as long as I would like to. But by God I will do my best to make sure my children are kind and good. And I will impart on them that whatever path they take in life is fine with me, as long as they're happy.

Winter Break

2011-01-29T16:13:00.005-05:00

This year I realized that when it comes to winter I have grown soft. I used to balk at my fellow Kentuckians when they referred to 20 degrees as "bone chilling" and laughed in their faces when they complained about the wind. (ok, I still do that.) I consistently rejoiced at the sign of a mere flake of snow and was sad when we did not have a white holiday season - from Thanksgiving through the New Year.

I am eating my words.

A typical winter in Kentucky starts in January with February being the worst month and is pretty well over by April. Our precipitation is more freezing rain than snow and people swarm the grocery stores to buy bread and milk. Seriously. Go the day after the threat of snow and try to buy a gallon of milk.

So far this season, Kentucky has had snow on the ground the majority of these two months and it has been cold. Just ask my parents. Even THEY thought it was cold and they still live in South Dakota! I mean absolutely no disrespect to my friends and family up north, but I'm sick of it. I have grown soft.

Today... oh glorious day of today. Right now the interwebs tells me it's 53 degrees. What am I doing inside writing this post?! I better hurry up.

When we learned of this day's beauty we went the park - Jacobson Park - to play on the best playground ever.

Miller loved the swings.

EVERYONE loved the swings.

And Sophie and Riley found such good hiding places that I couldn't find them.

Then, when it got too cold for Miller we bundled him up

and Sophie and Riley kept on keepin' on.

In truth, this made my spring fever spike to all new levels. But I don't care. It will be here soon enough. And in the meantime I'll keep myself inspired with the new Seed Saver's catalog that just came in the mail and "The Family Kitchen Garden" book that I was just too pregnant last year to embrace.

I suppose I will also embrace these last weeks (months? Hey, a girl can hope.) of cold because goodness me time is flying.

A Game of Memory

2011-01-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to write this post for over a week. It's been written a sentence here, and thought there.

Finding the time to blog is hard. Finding the energy to blog is harder still. My son slept beautifully when he was born but for the past few months he's been waking every couple of hours and if he goes back to sleep, we're lucky. Roy and I switch off night and morning shifts and wander through our days with the bleary eyed look kept for the prestigious group of people known as parents.

To boot, Sophie is suffering slightly with some adjustment issues. She's very clingy and I can't seem to give her enough attention. She's waking in the night now too, asking for her back to be scratched and for someone to sleep with her. I also think the long winter we've been experiencing has dampened the spirit of a little girl who loves nature. She just wants to go to the pool, hang out at the park, and be outdoors.

Despite the exhaustion and seemingly lack of time, I need to blog. I need to write down the happenings of my family because oh my heavens, things change fast.

Sophie-isms that have made me laugh out loud in the past two weeks:
"Mommy, this apple is filthy for you."
"I'm going to squeeze this mushy cushion and you ask 'who farted?'"
After a discussion about Jesus, her statement that she likes Cheeses. We need to do some more talking in this area, apparently.

What Miller does that makes those sleepless nights completely worth it:
Reaches for me.
Sits by himself and plays with his toys.
Seems to have somewhat of an adventurous appetite, enjoying oatmeal cereal and sweet potatoes. Not so much the avocado.
Cries and vocalizes by trilling his tongue.
Laughs uproariously at his sister.

I'm sure there are more things but can I remember? No. My sleepy brain seems to use 97% of its capability for my job at the Library (which, thankfully, I love). The remaining 3% is parceled out between meal planning, remembering to start the van on freezing days so I can get the sliding doors open, to remember what happened in whatever book I happen to be reading, for Riley weekends, dentist and doctor visits, and those pesky bills that come up every month. And sometimes I even forget those until I go to turn on the water and nothing comes out. My brain is definitely not used to remember where I put my keys or my phone. Sigh.

This is what I want to remember.

December

2010-12-26T08:15:00.004-05:00

Shortly after Miller was born, I commented to Roy that our time is no longer our own.

Boy ain't that the truth.

As evidence, I took almost no pictures through the month of December - despite there being an abundance of activity. Still, Grandma Bix requested an "update with photos", so I scourged my camera and phone and came up with some gems.

Miller spent some quality time with his great grandma and granddad. Bob is saying, "Is she taking my picture with that phone?"
Bob is hell bent on teaching Miller to crawl. I have an almost identical picture taken Christmas Eve at another celebration.
I've found time for knitting.
and baking.
and we couldn't have Christmas without a tree - a real one this year, since we spent the whole season in Kentucky.
We even made the world's awfullest gingerbread house, which met its untimely demise at the hands -er, jaws - of the Wendy Dog.

And here, the reason I am so often exhausted, fulfilled, exasperated, delighted and in bed by 10:00 (if I'm lucky).

It's a Wonderful Life

2010-12-05T13:28:00.006-05:00

I suppose it's just our life these days - in the month since my last post, nothing has happened, and yet everything has.

Miller rolling over back to front and giggling at the slightest thing.
Sophie learning jokes and showing her silly side more and more and more.
My work is awesome. Roy's almost done with this semester of school, and we spent Thanksgiving in South Dakota, with Riley and Roy's mom joining us.

Then last night, in what I hope will become an annual event, we held our first ever Feast of Strength. Maybe it's the Mennonite in me, but I love a good potluck, especially one with lots of wine and amazing friends who also happen to be amazing cooks.

I don't know about anyone else, but it's getting harder and harder to get together with our friends. They have families, busy jobs, and it's just... hard. So about a month ago I sent out an invitation and lo and behold, we got together! There were 5 last minute cancellations, and yet there were still about 25 people in our little house. The first person arrived just before 1:00PM and the last person left around 8am, having spent the night on the couch. It was my kind of party.

Even the snow showed up to make it more festive and at Sophie's request (thanks our amazingly kind, wonderful and patient friends), a snowman joined the party.There were shockingly competitive games of Candyland and Sorry (Sophie was NOT the competitive one) and I already feel bad for any boy Sophie brings home for approval. They will meet a wall of men ready to throw him out of the house.

And as the night wore on and the instruments were pulled out, the rants got longer, the wine flowed more freely, and it surpassed my wildest dreams of what this event would be.

Today is about pajamas and movies; Leftovers and more snow being added to the already 2 inches on the ground.

This is a wonderful life.

Miller Miller Caterpillar: Month 4

2010-11-01T21:36:00.000-04:00

Last week I was putting Miller in his car seat and was like, WHOA. Where did YOU come from!? It seems like all at once, my little newborn has GROWN! Sure, I retired his 0-3 month clothing weeks ago, but it didn't hit me until recently that he is a full on baby! At his 4 month well visit, he had grown an astounding 3 inches (77th percentile!) and put on another 2 pounds (55th percentile!). He lacks the chub Sophie had as a baby and I think this boy has long and lean in spades.

He's loves to lay on his belly and push forward, trying desperately to GET somewhere, but he doesn't. Just the other day we had our backs turned and we heard a thump. There was Miller, on his belly. He had maneuvered out of his bouncy chair and was trying to get to where the action was. Not a cry, not a whimper. Just action.

It's so funny. When I was pregnant, I thought about my Grandpa James a lot. He was very, very present in my mind (hence the middle name) and I wondered if part of his spirit would present itself. In the last month, Miller has started to sing. If there is music playing or I'm singing, he will sing along - with gusto! If he's in another room and I'm playing my guitar, he will cry until someone brings him to me. And 9 times out of 10, singing will calm him down when he's worked himself into a frenzy. Grandpa James? Who knows. But he certainly embraces his musical love. Now we'll have to see if he starts writing an opera. I'll give him until he's 4.

We're anxiously anticipating our trip north for Thanksgiving. Miller hasn't met Great Grandma B and I know that Grandma Bix is dying to get her mits on him. But she may have some stiff competition.

October

2010-11-01T21:12:00.004-04:00

Fall in Kentucky means so many things.

A beautiful day at Keeneland. (even if you don't win)

Breaking out the fleece PJ's and snuggles under the soft green blanket.

Halloween. Oh, our neighborhood was safe this year!

And of course leaves which, if you don' t have your own, can be provided by the nearby park.
Now we enter a time of more consistent chills, slippers and socks, the cracks and pops of the radiators, and the anticipation of the holidays. I do so love this time of year.

finding our way

2010-10-17T20:36:00.004-04:00

We seem to have found something of a routine in our newly expanded family. Roy's in school, I work full time, we're adding 300 square feet to our house (that's a whole OTHER post), there's a lot of Festival work to be done and, oh yeah, we have Riley's football practice and games, Sophie's active 4-year old self, and the demands of a nearly 4 month old.

But yes, routine does exist. Making coffee before bed and setting the timer for 10 minutes before my alarm goes off; meal planning like a beast; trying to keep up with housework within the fog of during-the-week exhaustion; and the kids have strict bed times, giving Roy and I at least an hour of peace and quiet before I fall asleep mid-chapter.

Here are some highlights of late.

Sophie loves all foods. She will try anything (last week she asked if we could have sea urchin). For her birthday we bought her a cookbook and she cooks dinner (with help, of course) every so often. This weekend, she and Riley made ice cream sandwiches.

I snapped this picture of Sophie reading Roy's hacker magazine, 2600, while doing her business.

and this little guy finally ditched the baby tub - much to his delight.

Oh, we just can't get enough of this sweetness.

Autumnfest

2010-10-02T15:50:00.005-04:00

Roy's cousin Mallory (whom I claim as my own) and her darling boy, Aiden, moved to Rochester, NY a month or so ago. Sophie and Aiden are a few months apart and over the years met for many a play date while Mal and I commiserated over beers and the trials and tribulations of getting our kids to use the toilet. I miss this.
So when she came to town this weekend, we, along with the rest of her family, went to the Autumnfest at Bi-Water Farm in Georgetown. We even let her better half, Nick, come along, despite his punniness.
We spent hours and had a great time.

The beautiful and intelligent Cornett sisters
who really are pretty bad ass.

and there were GIANT rocking horses.
What better way to spend a gorgeous fall day?

Anger Management

2010-09-26T08:33:00.001-04:00

I am not used to feeling angry. Oh sure, now and again I lose my cool, but it subsides and I move on with my day. Lately however, I've been struggling with a situation that has left me wanting to say mean, nasty things, cuss, and throw rude hand gestures. Heaven help me, this isn't who I want to be.

When I realized that I wasn't able to fully control this emotion, I decided to take advantage of the Employee Assistance Program at work and went to talk to a therapist about how to work through my anger.

I have always been a proponent of therapy but have never actually participated in a session myself. I was nervous (what do you say?) and a little shy (should I lay down on the couch like they do on tv? I didn't.) and honestly, part of what I was feeling (superiority, righteous indignation) felt GOOD. Did I really want to let it go?

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

So a couple of weeks ago I went for my first session with Curtis. He asked what was going on and I told him everything; hand gestures (not rude) and a few tears... and oh, it felt so good. "You're very in touch with your emotions", he said. Indeed! He also told me, in typical therapist fashion, that being angry is OK. That if I didn't feel anger I wouldn't be human. And that if I wasn't angry at the situation, we would have a much longer session.

We only had two sessions, and it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. At the end of our second session, Curtis told me about a man who attends one of his AA groups. This man struggles with serious anger issues directed toward another person and he recently decided to pray for the person every day.

This caused me to take a step back. Yes. Pray. I don't want anything bad to happen to the person. I want them to be better. To heal from any hurt they too are dealing with. I can control what I do for this person. Pray. I will pray.

Here's what else I learned.

There is a difference between being confrontational and being assertive.

The obvious: I have to let go. Most of the situation is out of my control, so dwelling on it does no good. Anger only hurts me. Let.it.go. He also forced me to focus on what IS in my control and the role that I play in the situation. That brought me back to reality.

Jesus Christ was a great peacemaker; an advocate for peace and justice who fought against injustice. And Jesus Christ got MAD. He overturned tables in the temple and cast out the money changers. He worked tirelessly for peace because he was so upset by injustice. If it was ok for Jesus to get angry, I guess it's ok for me to be angry, too. I just can't let it control me or turn me into someone I'm not.

(I apologize for the cryptic tone of this post. I don't want to talk about the situation so much as the feelings of anger and how I'm working through them. Just know that it's not anything to do with my amazing family, all of whom I love more every day. They show me, and make me feel the love, that almost completely eclipses the anger.)

3 months

2010-09-25T16:02:00.003-04:00

I can't believe that three months ago tomorrow, my little man sprinted to the finish to join our beautiful family.

I have been back at work since Sept. 1 and I've stopped asking "how was he?" when I pick him up from daycare. His adjustment has been a little rocky, but that's the way it is. I'm grateful he gets 2 days a week at home with his dad.

Miller has a wonderful personality and everyone who meets him comments on his eyes - they are so wide and full of curiosity. He just stares at everything around him.

This appears to be his new favorite spot: planted directly in front of the open door. He loves his bumbo and I have no doubt that he will be a mover.

Oh our little man... what a blessing. I never knew my heart could hold so much love.

Weekend

2010-09-12T09:30:00.001-04:00

This has been a good weekend. There have been good times with brothers

big

and small

and leftover birthday cupcakes from Caramanda's Bakery.

We worked on Saturday, heading out to Terrapin Hill to check out this local hippie festival near Harrodsburg. Woe is us, having to visit other festivals to get ideas, network, and see how other folks do things.

Terrapin is held at Terrapin Hill Farm, which is beautiful and wooded and there were some really cool things about the way they did things - many which wouldn't work for our Festival of the Bluegrass, but things we still enjoyed.

Riley decided to roll down a giant hill

and then I tried to take a picture of he and Sophie when he announced he was covered in chiggers. Picture fail.

One of the best things about Terrapin are the activities for kids including a tent where they made Sophie two ribbons for her pigtails and a full on playground with old school slides, swing sets, and even the long-removed merry-g0-round.
And then... then it rained and thundered and lighteninged and all around us hippies were securing their tents and chasing after tapestries that had blown down and yelling "WHOOOOOO!!!!" after each loud clap of thunder. Roy almost fell down a muddy hill - with Miller in his arms - and we just kept going while the wind grew cold and blew at our backs until we got to the car completely drenched and hoped we could get out through the mud.
It was awesome.

Birthday, part 2

2010-09-08T21:36:00.000-04:00

My dear Sophie,

Today is your 4th birthday. Last night you and I sat on the couch and I told you about the night you were born. That was the first time I had ever done that and you were overjoyed to hear the telling. You were so glad to hear that you cried when you were born, exclaiming "Just like Miller!" and you nursed, "Just like Miller!" and you grew inside my belly and were born on a full moon, "Just like Miller!"

There is no doubt that your little brother has been the biggest change in your life this past year, and you have handled the growth in our family with the grace I have come to expect from you.
You continue to be the sweet and sensitive little girl that I have always known you to be. A stern "get back to bed" leaves you in tears and your fear of spiders and other bugs has been very apparent this summer. Still, you are keen to let them - well, let ME let them - out doors and not kill or hurt them in any way. You have also developed quite an interest in the macabre - Coraline, scary stories and movies, and zombies. This is so much like your father and I love to see so much of him in you.

You are incredibly silly and if you get a laugh, you stick on that subject ad nauseam to try to get more. You are always making up songs and dreams and dancing through the living room. And not a day goes by without a spontaneous "I love you" or, "You're a good mommy, mommy".

You love to be snuggled and kissed and wrapped tightly in your soft, green blanket. You love your routines of Orange Juice and cartoons in the morning and goodnight of book and back scratches. We have evolved to longer, chapter books and books of short stories that take longer and longer to read each night. It's not unusual for you to stop us in the middle of the story because you just want to go to sleep. You are so aware of who you are.

You are not perfect. You try my patience. You would rather me or your dad give you bites of food rather than feed yourself, which is incredibly frustrating. You hate having your hair washed and brushed and generally fussed over, which often makes for difficult mornings and bath times. You hate picking up your toys and honestly, the whining has gotten a little out of hand. You pick your nose. You refuse to eat dinner. You can be painfully blunt and honest and hurt other children's feelings.
You will continue to learn about kindness and tact. And because you are so mature in so many ways, sometimes I forget that you are only 4 years old. A mere 1,460 days.

My darling little girl, who is beautiful and ornery and difficult and imaginative and amazing. Happy birthday. I can't wait to watch you grow as you begin your 5th rotation around the sun.

Birthday, part 1

2010-09-05T16:46:00.003-04:00

On Wednesday, my little girl turns 4. Today I put her name in for consideration at one of the two magnet schools here in Lexington and got the date/time for "parent meetings" at both. I can't believe that I'm already researching kindergarten. Heck, sometimes I still can't believe I'm a mom!

But I digress... Saturday we went to Kids Place for her birthday party. Sophie's cake was, in her mind, perfect. If you ask her favorite color, she replies, "pink, purple, and princesses." I think we covered our bases.
Traditionally our birthdays have been only family, but this year in addition to the regular crew, we invited her best friend from school, Linney. It was pure joy to watch the two of them play together, and I really enjoyed getting to know Linney's mom a little bit better. Despite the Spanish/English language barrier, we communicated well enough to have some laughs and to make plans to get our girls together again.

Even "Uncle" Josh made an appearance, much to Sophie's delight, and he and Roy tried to help Linney and Sophie navigate the dancing game in the arcade. The blind leading the blind if you ask me.
Tonight Sophie asked if we could watch a scary movie and eat popcorn. She is her father's daughter in so many ways... but more on that later. Every day, my little girl gets less and less little. And more and more awesome.

Happy almost birthday, my sweet.

Football?

2010-08-29T08:13:00.004-04:00

I will make no bones about it - I don't like football. It's boring and I don't understand it and all the crashing into each other and head trauma and... well, it's just not my thing.

Riley, however, LOVES football and is really good! He played last year and lo and behold, this year the kid is starting quarterback!

Despite my feelings about the sport, I am so proud of him. He had his first game last weekend and while they lost in the final seconds, he played great, had some good passes and was IN THERE on every play. He's #5 (or "numero cinco" if you ask him)Riley is now in 7th grade and, while he can generally be found on his iPod Touch (which he saved all his Christmas and birthday money to buy), he still has time to be an amazing big brother to Sophie and is truly enjoyable to be around. He came home from school on Friday with Watership Down, saying that he saw the book on Roy's bedside table and thought it might be good. What 12 year old boy reads a book about rabbits just because his dad does?

I continue to marvel how he walks the line between Dungeons and Dragons and starting quarterback. This kid is so cool.

His football games are also a good opportunity for us to spend time with his other family. When Sophie saw Riley's sister, Kamryn, she said to her, "My brother and your brother, Riley, he has two houses" and off they went to play.
Tonight is game #2. Go Patriots!

Miller Miller Caterpillar

2010-08-29T08:13:00.000-04:00

It's hard to believe that our little Miller is already 2 months. More astonishing is how quickly he moved from newborn to full on baby. It's gone so fast!
Every day he is more willing to smile, such a gratifying milestone. Oh, and the way he talks to the little birds on his mobile and the animals that hang from his gym just makes me swoon. Lately he is more likely to vocalize his discomfort rather than cry and I appreciate this. He is terribly alert, always looking around and he loves to be carried and held face out so he can see the world.
He's gets fussy around suppertime each night, but it doesn't last for long and he generally keeps a very sunny disposition. If he's upset and refusing to nurse, rocking and singing works like a charm and he seems especially partial to "Peace, peace", which is sung every year at Christmas in my hometown church.
When Sophie was born, we didn't intend to co-sleep. Yet she needed this closeness and moved into the family bed. We planned to co-sleep with Miller, but he sleeps better on his own. For the past week he has been waking only once each night to nurse. You know how grateful I am for this.Every day my love grows for this little guy and my life feels somehow more complete. It wasn't incomplete before he was born, but the sense of fulfillment overwhelms me. As I return to work on Wednesday, I will carry these images and memories of his first two months very close. My little Caterpillar.

Kentucky State Fair

2010-08-25T09:29:00.004-04:00

Yesterday we ventured to Louisville for the Kentucky State Fair. We saw cake wrecks and blue ribbon preserves and so many bleating goats that they completely freaked out our city girl. We saw burgers served on crispy cream donuts, lots of things "on a stick" and Sophie was covered in cotton candy within our first 15 minutes inside the south wing.

We saw bunny rabbitschicks that slideand ate roasted fresh Kentucky corn.Sophie participated in a tricycle race and impressed me with her maturity when she didn't get the purple trike and came in last.
Miller chilled in his stroller, rode in the carrier, and we enjoyed some welcome one-on-one time in the Central Baptist Hospital nursing room. Oh, thank you Central Baptist.
Sophie got in some games and rides.
was mesmerized by hatching chicks
and spent some quality time with the great grandparents. We will all treasure these memories.

I'd say we walked about 10 miles (no exaggeration) and I came home craving something green and fresh. The kids were cranky and tired (and so were we) but oh what fun!

The Circle Game

2010-08-20T06:33:00.003-04:00

When did this:

Become this?:

Silly Sophie

2010-08-14T08:02:00.001-04:00

Sophie has been avoiding the camera so many of the pictures we got of her are blurry or of the back of her head. And some are just plain silly.

car ride

2010-08-14T07:52:00.003-04:00

Both kids (and the Wendy Dog) did beautifully on the car ride to WV. Miller slept, waking up occasionally to nurse, and Sophie played with her dolls, practiced rhyming (her new obsession) and drew pictures in her Cinderella notebook.

Her drawing has progressed so much lately, I had to post some pictures. Somewhere (probably still in the car) is a smaller notebook with more pictures of houses that she drew, but I can't find it.

mama and baby bird

pages and pages and pages of little figures that look like this:

moon and sun

I love how happy everything is.

Almost Heaven

2010-08-11T14:31:00.000-04:00

It's not very often that we take a vacation that is without agenda. Sure, our trip to Canaan Valley, WV was organized around the Pickin' in Parson's Bluegrass Festival, but that was only one day out of five. The remaining four days' morning conversation went something like this:

Me: did you make coffee?
Roy: Yes. We're almost out of cream.
Me: Okay. What do you want to do today?
Roy: I don't know.
Me: Me either. I'm going to take Wendy for a walk and listen to my book on tape.
Roy: Sounds good.

In otherwords, this trip was bliss.We rented this house:
with this view:
We shopped at this grocery store:with this beer selection:
and when it rained, Sophie (and her umbrella) just had to be on the porch.
There was lots of sibling love.
and lazy days in our pj's
and we couldn't keep Sophie out of the hot tub.
Roy got some downtime, too.We went into Davis, WV where Sophie fell in love with this elephant.
and hiked to Blackwater Falls.
We enjoyed the Bluegrass Festival and the picnic of vendor chicken strips, lemonade and plates of Barbeque with all the fixins.
and I got to step away from the laundry, the mess, the housework, and remember what kind of mom I strive to be. Patient. Attentive. Loving. Did I mention patient?
and we all enjoyed our time getting to know this little guy a little bit better.

Today

2010-07-30T21:57:00.004-04:00

There's no denying that these past few days have been rough. I have been hormonal and exhausted and have felt buried under the amount of housework that I not only have to do now, but with panicked thoughts of how in the world I will do it when I go back to work on September 1. I know that it's much too early to be thinking about then, which my brilliant and beautiful best friend reminded me will be so much different than now, but still... the thought of it makes me want to lay down with a cold cloth on my forehead and take a nap.

Like most of the country, we have been hot in Lexington. Hot and humid and sticky and ugly and I haven't been able to get out like I want to, especially with Miller. As awful as it was being so pregnant with Sophie through the month of August, walks with her through the crisp autumn air was a delight.

Today, it was in the upper 70's/low 80's with very little humidity. It was pure bliss and we all took full advantage.

I find great release in pulling weeds (oh, poke weed! The bane of my existence!) and was able to weed my entire flower bed without suffering the aches and pains of pregnancy. Take THAT sciatic nerve! Getting into it was so cathartic after these days of feeling so funky.

While I weeded, Roy installed new gutters on the back of the house - just one of the many house renovation projects going on at the moment - and Miller held a blanket down like he'd been doing it his whole life.

That there is the pile of weeds I raked up, not including the tree-like pokeberry that already had been put in the Lenny.

And here's my little man, over 1 month old. We're still eagerly awaiting his first smile. He has such a serious look about him, like he's already trying to figure out some mathematical equation that I will never understand.

Wendy had a job today too, her favorite job, standing guard over the child(ren).As a happy aside, I have been asking for a clothesline for quite some time, but I'm not sure Roy ever believed just how badly I wanted one. Our yard is sooo small and we needed one that we could easily put up and take down.

Finally.
It really is the little things.

three weeks

2010-07-17T21:07:00.003-04:00

Our Miller is 3 weeks old today. It all at once feels like yesterday and forever ago. As of Tuesday he has gained over 2 pounds, a confirmation to my perception that he is always eating. He can hold his head up surprisingly well and loves to look around with a wide-eyed intensity - at least during those still brief awake periods. He doesn't cry very much and we are starting to hear the occasional little ooh, which makes me even more excited for the weeks and months to come.

It's amazing to me how our kids personalities are apparent so quickly after birth. We saw in Sophie her long attention span, the old soul looking out of her big brown eyes, and her intensity of love and affection. At almost 4 she will break into any conversation to tell someone she loves them and will repeatedly leave her seat at dinner to kiss me or Roy.

In Miller I see a fierce streak of independence. He loves to be held and toted around in the carrier, but he needs his time alone. Tonight I was struggling to get him down. I wasn't very careful about my diet today, tempted by all the fresh produce at the farmer's market (and the chocolate ice cream cake at my nephew's 7th birthday party). I'm guessing my milk wasn't quite to his liking this evening.

Finally, after trying pretty much everything I could think of, I swaddled him and laid him down in the cosleeper. Lo and behold, the kid just wanted to be left alone. I think we can all relate. Already at 3 weeks, this boy's personality is shining through. I can't wait to see what else is in store.

around here

2010-07-14T09:18:00.004-04:00

I regularly lose track of what day it is.

I swept the floor while listening to a book on tape. This was one of the best parts of my week.

Someone asked me what my schedule was these days. Schedule? Right.

Last night I got about 3 1/2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Now THAT is a luxury.

Sophie continues to go to preschool every day so we can get to know the newest member of our family and when I pick her up, the first words out of her mouth are, "where's Miller?" But we need the time - I need the time - to be still, to enjoy the newness of him, to marvel at you moms who did this with little ones at home, while behind on sleep and chores and sanity.

But life continues, regardless of whether I know what day it is and whether I get another load of laundry done and despite the lack of sleep.

Ah yes, this beautiful life goes on.

someone else's birthday and lots of pictures

2010-07-04T15:50:00.004-04:00

Mom stayed an extra week after the rest of the crew left, and other things happened too - namely mom's BIRTHDAY which we celebrated at the Ginkgo Tree (again!) and with a simple birthday dinner cooked by my wonderful husband. (despite the picture, it was more than just Derby Pie and Tres Leche cake)

And of course, there were lots, and lots, and lots of pictures.

The Fam

2010-07-04T15:21:00.007-04:00

In the days leading up to Miller's arrival, we had a lot of welcome activity. My family was in town for an ISWNE newspaper convention in Richmond that began Tuesday and we were fortunate to spend some days with my brother's family leading up to it.

The unseasonably hot temperatures lent themselves to some serious playtime in the fountains in downtown Lexington - but the girls needed Uncle Jeremy to get the ball rolling.

When we got caught in a sudden downpour, Jeremy and I ran for cover while the girls continued their play time in mother nature's sprinkler.

Mom and dad got in on Tuesday, so we went to Mellow Mushroom for some easy and laid back catching up.

I was also dying to take the fam to The Ginkgo Tree at Ashland: the Henry Clay Estate, so we went for lunch Friday and took in the gardens.

Miller arrived just in time to see Jeremy's family leave for home, but not before appearing in the first of many family pictures - even if it was in the hospital.

Amazing

2010-07-04T15:16:00.001-04:00

how this:

becomes this:

six twenty six twenty ten: the first in a series

2010-07-03T08:49:00.000-04:00

I've spent a lot of time in the past 3 1/2 years thinking about the morning Sophie was born. The process was intense, gratifying, and the 8 hour delivery was, in my mind, about as perfect as it could get. I was prepared, with my second birth experience, to have to digest the labor; meditate on it and its detail. I expected it to go fast - 3 to 4 hours - and was mentally prepared to deal with the chain of events that would take me to the hospital.

Call my mother in law to be here with Sophie
Call my mom to meet me at the hospital
breathe...
breathe...
breathe...

*****

At 2:30am, Saturday, June 26, I woke up angry. I had had a dream in which I went into labor and when I awoke with not a labor pain, not a sign in the world that I was going to have this baby 2 days after his due date, on the full moon in which I had been SURE was going to spawn his birth, I was upset. As a general rule, my hunches are wrong and I ignore them. But I had a hunch. Sophie was born on the full moon and I thought surely the full moon would once again bring on my baby's birth day. I was angry at myself for listening to this hunch.

Then, 30 minutes later, at 3am, I had a contraction and my water broke.

Elated, I went into the front room to look out the window and bask in the moon's glow and thank her for her power. I decided to wait until my second contraction to wake up Roy and, ten minutes later, I patted him on the shoulder and told him he needed to get up.

Two minutes later, I had another contraction.

One minute later, another.

After a few minutes of this, I panted "Call your mom" and Roy was on the phone, making the planned calls. After another few minutes when I was standing in the dining room, panting and clearly wanting/needing to push, we called our wonderful neighbor (who was also on standby) to come wait for Roy's mom.

We drove, Roy being exceedingly patient, to the hospital. This was at approximately 3:45am.

Roy ran into the ER and said, "My wife is in labor, I need a wheelchair" and the woman, who he said acted as though she hears this every day and was in no big hurry, came to my aid. She saw me, contracting and leaning against the brick wall and I said, "This baby is coming NOW". Her eyes widened and she ran back inside to get help.

We were escorted rapidly to labor and delivery, who had been notified of my arrival, and I found my way onto a table where I heard, "fully dilated, fully effaced, plus 3". The OB said, "you can push anytime" and with that - one hearty push - Miller James Cornett entered the world.

2 days after my due date.
1 hour and 8 minutes after my first contraction.
20 minutes after leaving the house.
8 minutes after entering the ER.
6 minutes after entering labor and delivery.

We are, to state the obvious, the understated, the words-cannot-describe emotion... we are so glad he's here.

Flip

2010-06-01T12:58:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago when I went in for an ultrasound, my little man was frank breech - head up, feet directly in front of his face. It's been pretty clear over the duration of my pregnancy that his head, and not his butt, has stayed up. Today, I went in for an external cephalic version, which is a very fancy way of saying that my OB/GYN pushed on my belly and made him flip head down.

This happened with Sophie too, and it was no fun. It hurt and, when it was over, we could tell Sophie was NOT a happy camper. Her heart rate went up and she moved around like it was nobody's business. But she stayed head down and I had a great delivery, one day after she was due.

This time around, I knew that if he didn't flip, I would have to have a c-section. I weighed the pros and cons and, with 3 weeks until my due date, I decided I would much rather have a flip than a c-section. So, at 6:30 this morning I was admitted to the hospital, equipped with a heart monitor, and waited for my doctor (whom I love, and who flipped and delivered Sophie) to arrive.

It was amazing to me how different it was this time.

First, it was MUCH easier, and far less painful. Secondly, after he was head down, he calmed significantly. He had been crazy active up until the flip and then, his heart rate stayed the same, and he just settled in to his new surroundings. Roy suggested that he was hiding from us.

So three weeks to go. I'm taking it easy today, per doctors orders. I'm doing Festival work from the laptop, feet up, a full water bottle by my side, and mindless TV on in front of me. This afternoon, I'll have a nap.

I've been reading a lot about what those first few weeks will be like for my recovery and the life of a newborn, and on the way out of the hospital we saw a newborn through the window... so tiny, so in need of comfort and his/her mommy. Where as a few weeks ago I felt woefully unprepared psychologically for his arrival, I am at a point where I just can't wait to hold my little boy. Three weeks and counting.

Music

2010-05-24T06:37:00.002-04:00

Sophie has always loved music. I like to think it's because I sang a lot of Leonard Cohen songs to her in utero, but I really don't think that's it. Music is in her blood.

When she was very small, we could turn on the Fine Arts Channel and she would stop crying almost instantly, mostly when Opera came on. She still loves Opera, but has branched out to Greg Brown, Peter, Paul and Mary, and The Beatles. She will break into song at any given moment and you never know if it will be "Yellow Submarine" or something she made up about Cinderella and a pony.

Last night, when they were replaying scenes from the first episode of Lost, she mimicked Charlie's "You all Everybody" with pretty good accuracy for a 3 year old.

On Saturday I caught her singing this little song she learned at preschool and I was lucky enough to catch it on video.

Dance Recital, take two

2010-05-21T07:05:00.002-04:00

Some of you may remember Sophie's first dance recital. She left the dancing up to the others and spent the number looking shy and afraid on that big stage.

That was the Holiday show, and in the life of a 3 year old, 5 months can make a world of difference. We've been slowly preparing her for her big, dance class finale at the Lexington Opera House.

Yesterday was the dress rehearsal for the show on Saturday. As we sat in the audience watching the other groups perform, she sat closer and closer to me before finally crawling into my lap.

"Are you nervous?" I asked.
She nodded.

"Are you excited?" I asked.
She nodded.

"Are you going to dance?" I asked.
She nodded.

Please excuse the first 30 seconds of darkness before the dancing gets started.

She wasn't always a big fan of dance class, but she came through in the end. I'm such a proud mama.

Belly Shot

2010-05-05T21:55:00.002-04:00

Almost 33 weeks.

Conversation with Sophie

2010-05-04T07:36:00.004-04:00

Sophie: Look mommy, it's a nun!

AM: No sweetheart, that woman isn't a nun, she's just wearing a head covering because she believes she needs to cover her hair.

S: No. She's a nun.

A: Is Ms. Dorothy a nun? (Ms. Dorothy is one of the Director's of her daycare and wears a head covering)

S: (laughs) NO!

A: Well, neither is that women.

***prolonged silence***

S: Men AND Women can be nuns.

A: No, women are nuns. Men who share that lifestyle are called monks.

S: Yes, chipmunks.

A: No, not chipmunks. They're not animals, they're men.

S: (very matter of fact).......but they LOOK like chipmunks.

Happy Things

2010-04-25T07:25:00.004-04:00

Last week I went to the doctor for my regular prenatal checkup.

All is well at 31 weeks, however I have been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. They're perfectly normal, I'm just having more than I should be - enough that my doctor directed me to "take it easy". In other words, hold off on the twice daily walks with my coworker around the Library rotunda (which are generally pretty slow going unless we talk about Lost or UK Basketball, in which case we can get going pretty good.) Make Roy cook dinner, don't clean up around the house, and just relax for a week. I'm not dilated at all (great news!) but I have an ultrasound Tuesday to check things out.

I have always thought of myself as a pretty lazy person, a couch potato. And I am... to a certain extent. But wow, this week has proved MUCH harder than I had thought. Roy has been great, but we have different standards. I've known this, but relinquishing control has been a challenge and he has been getting mad at me when he finds me cleaning the kitchen or sorting laundry. "I can't help it!" I exclaim, because it's true. It's like an itch that must be scratched. I didn't realize how much of a stress release it is to clean, or how important a clean house is to me. Tidy is another thing. I am NOT tidy, as any visitor can attest.

But today - Sunday - I'm going to try to take it as easy as possible. I know very well that I might not have an excuse to take a lazy day again for a long time.

So, a blog. A blog about all the beautiful things that I've been seeing in my life lately. They're mostly of Sophie. A coincidence? Probably not.

A date with Sophie to Disney on Ice, and a pre-show dinner at a very nice restaurant in Lexington.

It's blurry, but we find this little name written everywhere. Without prompting. Can you see me beaming with pride?

Sibling love. In every good picture of Sophie, I couldn't get Riley to cooperate.

and in every good picture of Riley, Sophie had her hand in her mouth.

Green against blue.

Father and son.

My little reader.

Sophie and her dear friend and cousin on the day we tie dyed until dark.

The first Farmer's Market of the season.

Cousin love.

And again, Sophie and cousin Aubrey singing LOUDLY their ABC's from the hymnal, site reading along the notes. I took this picture at a funeral (before it started) for the very sad, unexpected death of my step-mother in law's dad. It brought a few smiles into the sad faces of the people around us.

After last night's thunderstorm, everything around us is green and beautiful. We've needed the rain and the plants are rejoicing.

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

step-momming it

2010-04-03T09:01:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to lie. Being 20 years old, moving in with my future husband, and accepting the motherly responsibility of a 2 year old (even part-time) was not exactly what I was looking to add to my carefree and uninhibited life. Indeed, I knew about Riley from the time he was born so nothing about his presence in Roy's life was a surprise, and yet I struggled to accept exactly what this meant for me.

One day, while we were driving to see this already kind and empathetic boy, Roy said something that forever changed my life.

Riley didn't choose to be here.

Oh.my. Was my attitude not the very definition of selfishness?

10 years later, my life has been blessed and rewarded by the presence of an amazing 12 year old boy.

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. How to sum up Riley and how to sum up my experience as a step-mom.

Riley turned 12 in March and, sadly, our picture drought has affected him most of all. I was glad to get these two pictures from his birthday party - his family birthday party (not the Dungeons and Dragons party with a tray of chic-fil-a nuggets that we hosted in our basement lair.)

The first, pure joy upon opening the cell phone that Roy and I got him. (those with other 12 year olds know how hard that "real" smile is to capture.)

and this, which shows his patience and love of his little sister and cousins - who completely revere him.
Riley is an amazing big brother, not only to Sophie but also to his other brother and sister who are 2 and 4. He is terribly excited to add another rugrat to the mix. His empathy is astounding. He balances a life between Dungeons and Dragons and football that I find remarkable. Last year, when he played "King Louie" in his school production of "The Jungle Book", he said, "being in the play isn't popular, but I really like it so I don't care." I hope he never loses this self assurance.

He's smelly like a 12 year old, dawdles uncontrollably, and is starting to voice his keen interest in the opposite sex - something that Roy seems a little bit conflicted over. He's very into magic tricks and loves to put on shows for us after dinner. And he loves - I mean loves - bacon.

When the Wii first came out we asked him if he would rather have a Wii or a table full of bacon for Christmas. His reply, "How big is the table?" We got him the Wii, but sometimes he wonders out loud if he made the right decision.

As a step-mom, I'm at a great advantage because Riley has no memory of Roy without me; I've always been here.

Being a stepmom is not like being a mom to Sophie and it's important to me not to show preference or a difference of treatment. That's not always easy - not because I love Sophie more than Riley - but because our relationships are so different.

Riley has a mom - a mom he loves as any son should! I am not a replacement for that. He's always called me "Anna" and I've never encouraged any other name. Still, I am a guiding force in his life.

I walk a fine line between pushing too hard and letting him float. Food is an uphill battle, so how hard do I push? We have him rarely and we want to make his visits at our house pleasant, so it feels unfair to make him work too hard during his time there - yet taking out the recycling is good for him.

It's no secret that Roy and I live a very different life than his mom and step-dad; from our politics to our lifestyle, we couldn't be more opposite. Roy makes him defend his arguments with the force that only a Student Congress and Debate Team participant could encourage, and I quiz him on fruit and vegetable identification, control his participation in violent games and movies, and we are both proud of his musical tastes.

We don't see Riley as much as any of us would like - only every other weekend - but as he's gotten older he asks to come more often. We've encouraged this and made it very clear that he can stay with us as much as he likes. I think the current draw to our home is that we're watching Lost (on Season 3 at the time of this post) and he's more than a little bit obsessed. I like to think that we're the reason he wants to come every weekend and not his budding crush on Kate Austin.

He was born a Pisces, the sign of which is two fish swimming in opposite directions. We already see this in his life and I think it will be a persistent force. My greatest hope for him is that this polarity will take him on a path of kindness and diplomacy. He once told us, "I have 2 moms, 2 dads, 4 grandpa's, 5 grandma's... I am the luckiest kid in the world." As a parent, step or otherwise, isn't that the most we can ever hope for our children to feel?

Our Mother

2010-03-30T13:28:00.003-04:00

A few years ago I gave my mom and dad a Larkspur Press printing of this poem by Kentucky poet George Ella Lyon. I was sharing it with someone today and had to share it here, too. It's one of my favorites.

Our Mother Who Art
in the kitchen
cooking us up
hallowed may we see
all that is
Your kingdom here
delivered into our hands
Your will in children
and trees leaping out
on earth
as if it were Heaven.

Give us this day
bread we could feed
the world
and snatch us bald-headed
if we try to swallow it all.

Don't forgive us
till we learn it is all for giving.
That salve you've got in a pot
on the back of the stove
only heals when everybody has some.

And heed us not
if we believe You look like us
and love us best
and gave us the True Truth
with a license to kill Others
writ inside.
Deliver us from this evil.

for it is Yours,
this kitchen we call Universe
where you stir up our favorite treat,
the Milky Way,
folding deep into sweet
our little sphere
with its powerful glory
of rainforests and oceans and mountains in feather-boa mist
forever
if we don't blow it up
and ever
if we don't tear it down
Amen
(Ah women
Ah children
Ah reckon She's about fed up.
We better make room at the table
for everybody
before She yells - OUT!
and turns our table over,
before She calls it off
this banquet we've been hoarding
this paradise
we aim to save
with bombs.)
Our Mother Who Art
in the kitchen
cooking us up
hallowed may we see
all that is
Your kingdom here
delivered into our hands
Your will in children
and trees leaping out
on earth
as if it were Heaven.

Give us this day
bread we could feed
the world
and snatch us bald-headed
if we try to swallow it all.

Don't forgive us
till we learn it is all for giving.
That salve you've got in a pot
on the back of the stove
only heals when everybody has some.

And heed us not
if we believe You look like us
and love us best
and gave us the True Truth
with a license to kill Others
writ inside.
Deliver us from this evil.

for it is Yours,
this kitchen we call Universe
where you stir up our favorite treat,
the Milky Way,
folding deep into sweet
our little sphere
with its powerful glory
of rainforests and oceans and mountains in feather-boa mist
forever
if we don't blow it up
and ever
if we don't tear it down
Amen
(Ah women
Ah children
Ah reckon She's about fed up.
We better make room at the table
for everybody
before She yells - OUT!
and turns our table over,
before She calls it off
this banquet we've been hoarding
this paradise
we aim to save
with bombs.)

Spring Updates

2010-03-25T07:33:00.000-04:00

It's been a while since I've posted pictures. We haven't been at all camera happy this winter. But the daffodils are up. The birds are louder than ever. And we've had more energy - and occasions - to document this life.

Sophie getting ready for her dance pictures. (she loves the ballet, hates the tap)
The first cookout of spring.
and making cupcakes for Riley's birthday (post to follow) in my old apron.
Riley's first horseback ride of the season.
and lots of loving on her mama's ever growing, ever moving, ever lively belly.
It is March in the Bluegrass and while I know it might snow one more time and we probably haven't seen our last frost, the daytime temps are consistently in the 50's and 60's. I've over extended myself in the yard, planting wildflower seeds, picking up walnuts from the now defunct walnut tree, and getting my compost bin together. We've chatted with all our neighbors over the fences and the walks to and from Sophie's school take at least twice as long as they did in February.

It's a good time to be a Kentuckian.

a short cryptic post about strengths and weaknesses

2010-03-10T09:48:00.003-05:00

Someone once told me that strengths and weaknesses are not on opposing ends, but right next to each other - find your strength and right on the other side begin your weaknesses.

I'm not always successful in my quest to be kind, but I really try. I lose my cool, I get frustrated, sometimes I even yell a little bit, but overall I try to be a kind person. I see this as one of my strengths and as something in my life that I can always grow toward - like happiness, you're never "done".

But right on the other side of that is one of my weaknesses: I'm amazingly sensitive and easily hurt. I can't stand it when someone is mad at me, and will full on melt down if I feel I have done something wrong - especially if I don't know what that something is. I will lay awake at night thinking simultaneously of how I will confront the person/situation, and wrack my brain to find out what the hell happened.

Yesterday I encountered two unfortunate situations that prey heavily on this weakness. In true form, I cried as soon as I was able to find some privacy and lay awake from 2-4am, replaying the interactions in my head. Today, I feel bruised and emotionally drained; as though a part of me was in a boxing match and is just beginning to heal.

This is a familiar but thankfully rare feeling.

I am now on a journey: to move forward on my quest to be kind without internalizing other people's behavior. I can accept the consequences of my actions - I find apologies to be all at once tormenting and a release. But I must find strength in my strength, as it were, and lend a bit of kindness to myself.

ten things

2010-02-27T17:39:00.000-05:00

Jenn tagged me in her blog to list "10 things that make me happy." Humor me as I stand on my proverbial soap box.

I believe that happiness is a choice.

(Now, I am blessed not suffer from depression, battle addiction, or struggle with psychological issues that impact ones every day life. I cannot imagine how such things impact ones life and won't even try to comment. I have often asked myself how and why I have lived such a blessed life while so many suffer. I don't have an answer.)

I consider myself to be a happy person, but it wasn't always so. Oh, I was a moody teen!! And even into my 20's I could easily find myself bitter and selfish. I like to say I'm a "recovering Leo", always trying to keep my ego and selfishness in check. (Don't ask Roy for his opinion on this topic, because this wonderful, Libra man sees me at my very worst.)

It's my belief, and those of you who talk to me regularly have heard me say it time and time again, that you're never done in your quest for happiness. It's a constant, life journey.

This is a good time for me to have been tasked with the "ten things" meme, so thank you Jenn. It's February and I'm moody. I'm feeling selfish. My house is perpetually messy. We're about to embark on a major life change with the new baby and Roy's work. I'm itching for spring. I want to open windows and air out my stuffy house. I could go on and on about the things that are frustrating me at this very moment.

But why? What good will it do?

After a particularly frustrating day, my wise father told me, "There are things you can control and things you can't. Don't waste your time worrying about the wrong one."

Well, I can control my happiness, even if not-so-happy things are happening.

Suffice it to say, I have enjoyed the past few days thinking about happiness.

There are so many things that make me happy, 10 doesn't even begin to cover it. New office supplies. The way bare feet feel on a freshly mopped wood floor. An impromptu dance party. But this question required me to think waaaay down into the recesses of my happiness meter. So here they are.

1. Baking bread in a clean house. I love a clean house. I love baking bread. But there is just something about bread rising in the kitchen and my housework is complete. It's probably one of my most peaceful places.

2. Sophie's morning walk to school. If it's nasty we'll drive and drop her off on the way to work, but most days she and I walk to school. It's at the end of our street and occasionally our cat, Tigerlily, follows us the whole way. We look at footprints, birds, and wave and talk to our neighbors. Sometimes I wish it were farther away.

3. My job. This doesn't mean I always want to work or that I wouldn't enjoy staying home every day, but I'm passionate about the work that I do and I love the ins and outs of my day. There is great satisfaction in doing.

4. Skyping with my family. I love seeing my family members and watching Sophie show pictures she drew, tell her tales, listen to mom read stories and watch her chat with Ella like they're 16.

5. Reading myself to sleep. Most nights I find myself falling asleep mid sentence, turning off my light, and rolling over into a wonderful slumber. It's a bit of a curse because this can also happen in the middle of the day, but its a worthy trade.

6. When Sophie tells me she loves me. This happens every day, unprompted, and is usually part of a deep, lovely, Sophie-initiated snuggle. This should probably be #1.

7. The first cup of coffee in the morning. Nuf said.

8. My guilty pleasure. And here comes a deep breath and swallow of pride. I love - and I mean LOVE - the nights when Roy is out, Sophie is in bed, and I can sit on the couch with a bag of cheetos and watch a marathon of America's Next Top Model without anyone judging me. This happens very rarely, and when it does, I wallow in a deep vat of trash for both soul and body. Sweet, happy trash.

9. Picking up where we left off. I'm a pretty bad friend. I don't return phone calls. I back out of plans. I rarely leave the house! But I love friends who I can go weeks... months... years without talking to and then, WHAM, here they are. And it's perfect. And they understand. And it's like no time has passed. That is a special love.

10. Roy Miller Cornett, Jr. After nearly 8 years of marriage, 10 years of living together, and in the 12 years since I first laid eyes on him, Roy and I have created a life together that I never, in my wildest dreams, could have hoped for. Knowing that I get to take this journey with him makes me just about as happy as is humanly possible. Even if he does have to be asked to pick up his socks.

overdue update

2010-02-18T12:23:00.004-05:00

So I've been a bad blogger. Not as bad as some but bad enough. Jenn, politely and with words of just-checking-in concern, pointed this out to me.

I chalk up the drought to just plain laziness, not to mention a lack of interesting things to talk about. I have a feeling this post will be more of a journal entry than "interesting".

Easily the most exciting thing to happen recently was the birth of my very favorite Fat Tuesday Baby ever. Charleston Saxl, son of my dearest friend Carrie, entered the world 5 weeks early, just in time to grub on some gumbo and crawdaddies. I am overwhelmingly happy to say that mama and baby are doing wonderfully, despite his early entrance into this world. Lately my days have been filled with thoughts of Charlie and my little man (only a few months apart!) camping and hiking and running along the beach. Despite the considerable distance between us, I have high hopes that these boys will know and love each other well. Just like their mommies.

It's quiet around here right now; a little after noon and Roy has taken Riley to a work day at school where he has to build a vehicle of some sort. Sophie got me up at 5:30 this morning (yay?) and is conked out on the couch. I'm resisting the urge to turn on the radio or my book on tape, and am just enjoying the quiet. One thing I love about Kentucky is that we have birds in the winter. I hear my mom long for the first robin of the season, but I still wake up to birds chirping, even when there's snow on the ground - which has been more often than not, lately. Today it's supposed to be in the 40's and I think the birds are probably happier than any humans - at least they are from the sounds of things.
Roy made snowcream with the amazing amount of freshly fallen snow we have had this winter. I think there is a general feeling of joy amongst all species that March is just around the corner.

Riley turns 12 in a few weeks. I have a post forming in my head about this amazing kid, and what it's like to be a step parent, that I'm saving for his birthday month. His current obsession is, without question, Lost. We finished season 2 last night and it seems to be pretty much all he can talk and think about. And Roy and I are enjoying watching the early seasons concurrently with the final. And how about this show, my fellow Losties? HOW ABOUT THIS SHOW????

Sophie is continuing to become more and more awesome. They moved her up to the 4 year old room at her preschool, despite the fact that she's not even 3 1/2. It has been interesting to watch the transition for her. It was immediately obvious that she was exercising that brain and really enjoying it, but at the same time the social aspect was difficult for her. I love our daycare, but it's moments like that that make me long for this kind of experience. It's been a few weeks however, and she has adjusted beautifully. We're grateful to have her preschool right at the end of our street and a highlight has been our morning walks in the snow, noticing all different sorts of footprints.
Sophie's a chatterbox, like both of her parents, and has developed quite a little stutter. We're assured that it's normal and aren't worrying about it, but she's beginning to notice it. If she can't get a word out, she stops, takes a deep breath, and tries again. I'm proud to see her handling her frustrations this way.

She is most anxious for spring and to ride her bike, play Roast Beef (frisbee) and asks almost daily for a pair of roller skates. She's also on a huge grapefruit kick, eating half a grapefruit almost every night. Or in this case, cheerios balanced on each finger.
This is a terrible, lazy-sunday-morning picture of me (yes, vanity, vanity) but it shows the state of my belly - at least the state as of a couple of weeks ago. It's amazing to me how quickly the new shirts I bought no longer fit, and the "you're huge!" comments I've been getting at work are coming on fast and furious. And no, I don' t mind them.
Cousins Mallory and Aiden are on their way over for a little Chuck-E-Cheese and pizza action. I have to wake up Sophie and get her dressed, etc.

I hope this post wasn't too boring or rambling or whatever. If it was, you should've stopped reading paragraphs ago, you silly people.

xo

Salinger

2010-01-28T15:45:00.003-05:00

I'd be willing to say that the vast majority of my readers didn't know me when. Didn't know me when I was shaving my head and wearing my dad's jeans... when I was dying my hair purple and had a profound dislike of most people... or even before that, when I was just questioning everything and generally feeling sorry for my early-teen self.

It was that time in my life - 13, 14 years old - that I knew exactly where the copy of Catcher in the Rye was located in the school library.

During particularly lousy days, dealing with phonies and people who just didn't get it, I would go into the Library, grab the book, open it to any page and read. And Holden Caulfield... I loved Holden Caulfield.

Eventually I grew up. I reread the book recently and (thankfully) it just didn't resonate with me. But I could see why it did. I could see a glimmer of my awkward, self doubting self.

RIP, JD Salinger. I promise I won't put flowers on your grave.

Portrait

2010-01-19T07:34:00.002-05:00

I think the glasses are my favorite part.

Life right now

2010-01-16T08:18:00.000-05:00

is hard. I am trying to focus on the joys of being pregnant - the opportunity to carry a child while so many struggle; the communion with my animal spirit as I experience something so primal; and the embracing of my female self as my womb grows and I watch the changes in my body.

Yet my focus seems to return to the negative. I can't go to Key Largo because I'm saving my leave time... I'll likely miss the wedding of a dear, dear friend because it's too far away, to close to my due date... I can't unwind from a series of rough days with a glass of wine or four... I'm tired from waking up to pee, to comfort my 3 year old, to think about this and that and the other...

I feel like being pregnant should entitle you to more: You should get more vacations! Bigger bottles of wine! To sleep for 10 hours each night! Hey, why not throw in double the pay check!?

I'm 17 weeks and my belly is about the size of a vollyball - bigger than 17 weeks with Sophie - and this pregnancy is harder. No doubt it has something to do with chasing a 3 year old around, but it's also affecting my body differently. I'm growing so quickly and have had shortness of breath, sore muscles, and oh the exhaustion! Second trimester has been more difficult than the first, which I was not expecting.

I'm overdue on letters, phone calls, library books, and I know there are a few unpaid bills laying around the house.

I'm generous when I say my eating habits are fair, as I just polished off leftover fettuccini alfredo from Applebees, and my breakfast is usually a granola bar as I run out the door.

I stare at my clothes, blinking repeatedly, hoping that another pair of pants will magically appear since I wore my only two pairs already this week... and the week before... and the week before...

And while I suffer from complete denial in most things (my garden, the fact that it's January and not March) I am completely aware that adding another child to my life will be at least twice as hard. I try to think of ways to keep Sophie feeling special and loved and the light of my life, but don't know how much time or energy I'll be able to put into this early on, and I fear I will let myself down.

And speaking of light of my life... I should say lights.

Roy has been wonderful, allowing me lazy Sundays on the couch with tea and Harry Potter, fixing dinner and baking cupcakes with Sophie.

Sophie has taken to using words like "appropriate" and "hexagon" and singing songs like "twinkle twinkle little underwear" and talking about what she loves. "I LOVE Blueberry Muffins!" "I LOVE cartoons!" "I LOVE dresses and skirts!"

***

I actually wrote this post yesterday over my lunch break. And it's all still true, but a good night's sleep and an impending 3 day weekend has brightened my mood - not to mention the fact that it's supposed to be nearly 50 degrees and we have plans to spend the afternoon at the park.

I had a short but wonderful conversation with a dear, old friend last night. He has known me since I was probably 4 years old and our relationship blossomed as I grew up. I lived communally with he and his wife, and he has played a very important role in my thinking. When I told him I was pregnant he got very quiet and said, "AM, you have brought me to tears." He went on to say that while that he never had kids, he gets very emotional when he hears about the people he loves having babies. "Our world can handle it" he said to me. "We just need to take care of her."

He's right. And I can handle it, too.

Christmas and Snow

2010-01-09T08:41:00.002-05:00

I was finally able to sit down and look at the too few pictures I got of our trip home for Christmas. It was a wonderful visit.

From am's picasa

We got lots of snow in South Dakota (see above)

And we got lots of snow, for Kentucky (see below)

From am's picasa

Sophie had a snow day. I went to work for a while and she and Roy made a long-awaited snow man. Whom Sophie decided needed a mouth.

From am's picasa

And there was a flash mob snowball fight in Centerpointe/hole across from the Library, the highlight of my work day.

From am's picasa

It's continuing to snow and it really is beautiful. I know it can't compare to our friends and family up north, but the 2-3 inches on the ground is quite a bit of snow for this area. And makes for a cozy, cozy Saturday morning.

Twenty Ten

2010-01-04T12:29:00.005-05:00

So the popular thing this time of year is to do a year in review. And for good reason. Reflection is growth. Is healthy. Is comforting, especially for someone like me who tends to enjoy looking back. (often more than looking present.)

But for some reason, reflection is not coming easy this year. It was professionally difficult and personally rewarding. We all grew in different ways - Sophie by leaps and bounds as only a 2 to 3 year old can - Riley developed into an opinionated and exploratory 11 year old - Roy grew, I think, in a personal way - and I in my belly as new life forms in such a primal, animal way.

I think part of the reason I'm finding it hard to think about 2009 is because so much is planned for 2010. Sophie will grow in ways that only a 3 to 4 year old will. Riley will grow as he transitions to another school, more hobbies, and more into his own self. Roy too will continue his personal growth, and the child in my belly will, with blessings on this life, join our family half way through.

Our house will see renovation.

My now sunny back yard will turn into a home for sustenance. (though I'm in complete denial about pregnancy-and-newborn-gardening.)

And it's with sincere hope that those I love who found struggle in 2009 find their peace in 2010.

Stranded

2009-12-26T11:23:00.008-05:00

When we arrived in South Dakota for Christmas on Sunday, they were predicting the "storm of the century!" Mom regaled us with stories from 1968 when they got 90 INCHES of snow! And Roy and I cautiously looked at our plane tickets and the weather reports with increasing skepticism.

According to our original plan, we should be back in (40 degree) Kentucky by now, unloading the car and relaxing before heading out for the annual Cornett Christmas Dinner. But no, the blizzard hit Thursday, canceling the Christmas Eve programs at church. The interstates across the entire state were shut down. By Christmas morning, my brother and his family had to walk the block and a half to our house after their SUV got stuck horizontal to College Street. And we called Delta and Hertz respectively to change our reservations.

The snow and wind continue and people are starting to dig out, unsure if it's worth it before the next wave of snow comes. We're scheduled to fly out of Omaha tomorrow at 4pm, and I feel pretty sure we'll make it, but not before enjoying the beauty of a South Dakota blizzard, the warm comfort of my parent's house, and the joy of watching the granddaughter who loves her grandparents get in an extra day and a half.

Here are just a few pictures of our time here, including a trip to my brother's studio with Sophie and Ella on Christmas Eve.

Boundin'

2009-12-17T13:55:00.001-05:00

Sophie's been watching a lot of Pixar shorts lately. I love Pixar and choosing my favorite Pixar film is soo difficult for me. This, however, is my favorite short. I think everyone should watch it again and again and again.

Sophie's First Recital

2009-12-06T13:53:00.002-05:00

Saturday, Sophie's dance class put on her her holiday recital. I know my sweet, shy little girl is not a performer, so I had only two hopes going into it.

1. that she wouldn't stand there picking her nose the whole time.

2. that she wouldn't throw up on stage.

She made her mama proud. And the little girl dancing next to her was just the cutest thing EVER.

(please oh please excuse my horrible videography.)

Things as they are... and they are good

2009-11-29T08:46:00.003-05:00

The truth is, I'm tired. All day, every day, tired.

On Thanksgiving Day, I was thankful for many, many things - too many to name - but most of all, I was thankful to be celebrating my 10th week of pregnancy. A momentous occasion no doubt, and I took full advantage of "eating for two". Tired, yes. Sick, no. I feel fantastic physically (most of the time), just tired.

Still, this long weekend has been wonderful. It's been unhurried and fulfilling. We've had the good fortune of Riley being with us for all of it - a rarity! - and Sophie is quite possibly the luckiest little girl on the face of the earth to have him as her big brother.

There was lots of dancing, the highlight of which was watching them dance like "Michael Jackson".

From am's picasa

We Skyped.

From am's picasa

Put up the tree.

From am's picasa

And Sophie has rearranged the decorations within her reach many, many times.*

From am's picasa

We played.

From am's picasa

And we spent lots of time together.

From am's picasa

Yes, I'm tired. But all of this has been so worth it.

*A note on this dress. Some members of my family will recognize it as the dress Grandma Betty made for me to wear in Aunt Kaye's wedding when I was 5 years old. It has been hanging in Sophie's closet and she simply loves to wear it. As I put it on her, I understand why. Not only is it impeccably made, but it feels like with every stitch and every cut, Grandma infused it with love. Knowing Grandma, she probably did.

Suprise Party

2009-11-21T08:17:00.009-05:00

Last weekend, the Cornett family gathered at Old Friends Farm for a surprise birthday party for Roy's granddad, Bob. I wondered how in the world I could take so many pictures and not get one of the man of honor? Pretty simple, really. At 80, Bob continues to be the most passionate, the most energetic, and the most full of life person I have ever met. And he rarely stays in the same place long enough to capture the moment.

Still, there were plenty of moments.

Sophie and Aubrey playing in the leaves
and then having a very important conversation with their Pa. There was something about watching this exchange that made me think that this man is going to have to keep his wits about him over the next 10-20 years. These girls could take him for all he's worth.

I don't know how it happens, but anytime we go anywhere, there is a golf cart. And there are rides. And the kids learn how to turn them on at a very early age. Fortunately, the adults have learned to remove the keys when not in use.
There was the feeding of horses.
And throwing of rocks. (yes, I should've stopped them immediately... and I did shortly after I took this picture, but they were so darn cute.)
And we got some great group shots. Here are all of the Great-grandkids. It was current until two days later when Barrett Cornett Bertram was born.
And we got a nearly-complete family photo. It's so rare and such a treat. Despite missing three members of the family, this one is a keeper.

Dance Party

2009-11-07T08:21:00.002-05:00

Most nights, we have dance class. Sophie puts on her red-inflatable-birthday-Chuck E. Cheese- crown and instructs us accordingly. This is generally late in the evenings when Roy and I are sufficiently exhausted from the day's activities, so fortunately it mostly involves sitting down and only the occasional pirouette.

From am's picasa

I love seeing her in this role - teacher, make believe. creativity. It's a wonderful thing!

So last night she announced that she wanted to dance. She grabbed Madeline, gave me a teddy bear, and I chose "If I had $1,000,000" on iTunes - always a family favorite - and that led to a good, old fashioned Barenaked Ladies dance party.

From am's picasa

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T18:11:00.005-04:00

Roy stayed home and handed out candy while Sophie and I ventured out into the neighborhood.We walked around for about an hour or so (little legs travel slow) and when I said, "one more house," Sophie replied, "Yeah, I want to go home and sit on the couch and eat my candy."
This was the first year we ventured off our street for Trick or Treating and boy, I gotta say - I love this Holiday. Neighbors on their front porches, kids commenting on costumes and being polite to a 3-year old Cinderella, and the bustle of activity.

Just now, Sophie popped an M&M in her mouth and said, "This was a great Halloween, Mommy." Yep, it sure was.

Punkins

2009-10-31T09:38:00.002-04:00

I'm not great about rituals. We don't dye Easter Eggs or make Christmas Cookies. But this year, we couldn't let Halloween go by without carving Pumpkins. We all had so much fun that I have vowed to create more moments like these.

Dearest Josh joined us for the event and that made us all happy.

From am's picasa

There was great concentration.

From am's picasa

(anyone else nervous about how Josh chose to carve....?)

Sophie lasted a little while and then my vest became some sort of costume.

From am's picasa

Still, she told me how she wanted her pumpkin carved: eye shaped eyes... a nose shaped nose... and she let me give it a typical jack-o-lantern mouth.

From am's picasa

Josh finished second and in typical mind blowingly amazing fashion.

From am's picasa

Roy really nailed it!

From am's picasa

And Riley did a great job with Cyclops - and he learned some valuable lessons about carving... thank goodness for toothpicks!

From am's picasa

Now to start shopping for cookie cutters!

Best in Show!

2009-10-24T08:45:00.005-04:00

I don't blog about work. It's a conscious decision. I love my job. I love my coworkers. And I really don't want to get fired. I'm breaking my silence, however, for a very important announcement.

My team has won the Lexington Public Library's Pimp my Bookcart Competition!

There were 7 entries, including two buses, a Where the Wild Things Are jungle (which got second place - Go Beaumont!!), a zombie survival cart, a yellow submarine, and a full "Game of life" Board. But our Shep took the blue ribbon.I, along with 3 other ladies representing the Business Office and Human Resources took the "green" theme to heart, making this Hungarian Sheep Dog ("Shep Herding Books")from cardboard, a milk jug and 2 liter, paper towel roll, bubble wrap, and lots and lots and lots of shredded newspaper. The rules of the competition require the cart be functional as a book cart (Shep's left side is open - I didn't get a picture) and be restored to its original condition following the competition.

Shep will be entered into the national competition next week, so wish us luck!

Pears

2009-10-18T17:00:00.000-04:00

At this year's Bluegrass Festival, someone suggested that the Cornett family get together when we're not putting on a party for 20,000 of our closest friends, or celebrating in the chaos of a major holiday. Roy's aunt Linda took this to heart and since June, we have had 2 - count them TWO - unrelated-to-anything Cornett gatherings.

I wish I had pictures of the first. In August, there was a "fight to the death wiffleball game". An incredible amount of Family was able to make it, to the point where each team had 12 players and there was a large handful who sat out.

This party was much smaller, and indoors. The activities included setting up battles on cousin Paul's Lord of the Rings Risk Board.
Laughing and playing and laughing and playing.

And watching the UK Football Game.

We adults were also there, but nearly as cute to photograph. We played Cranium. Ran downstairs to Mallory's apartment every time Sophie and Aiden got a little too quiet. And we talked and laughed and talked and laughed.

And aunt Barb told me that the pear tree in their yard that borders Grandma and Granddad's house is overflowing with pears. Today we went to fill our basket.(we had to take off her wet skirt.)

So I'm going to make pear sauce. Have sandwiches and salads with pear. And make this cake which I think looks fantastic. Oh what a lovely surprise - a family pear tree!

mostly dancing

2009-10-10T08:27:00.007-04:00

I love Saturday's like this. It's close to 9:00 and everyone is still asleep. Precious time. After a cup or two of coffee, I'll run to the market and get some apples. I think I'm going to try my hand at applesauce today. I'm planning to use this recipe, but I'll take others! Jen, you gave us applesauce last year that was to die for! Recipe blog? It's cold and dreary outside, but not snowing like it is up north. That's crazy! I can just hear Roy, "why do people live there?" No offense to you lovely people who do live there. He's a southerner. What can you do?

***
The weather this week allowed us for a walk up to the park. I was so ashamed when I realized how long since we'd been there; it was obvious in watching Sophie's play. She would say, "Ok, swing the swings! Run underneath! Now to the teetertotter! Now back to the swings! Now to the slide!" and of course I was a willing participant. She kept wanting to climb the HUGE, old trees but that was nearly impossible. So we found this one - just her size.
***
I had trouble getting photos of Sophie's dance class this week. The camera kept wanted to focus on the window rather than the girl, but oh well. Watching all the mom's rush to the window and jockey for place is always entertaining. I am so that mom!

Sophie is the only Caucasian in the class, which means I'm in the minority in the waiting room. We chit chat now and then, but the other moms are obvious friends and I'm content to read my book, participating now and then. We do come together which exclamations of 'you have GOT to see this!' from whoever has the best vantage point.
This week they learned some tap and I can say with a high degree of confidence that Sophie is rather intimidated by the tap... or maybe it's the coordination required. She watched intently as Ms. Megan showed them the step, but she just couldn't figure it out. Then she got frustrated.

I think tap will be good for her - even if she never wants to do it again after the cycle of classes is over. It will (hopefully) show her that perseverance pays off and she might even learn some confidence and balance.

***
Today it's Canada's Thanksgiving. (Beccy Jo!) and this is the prayer for today that appears in my prayer book. It's one of my favorites. May it be a blessing and reminder to us all.

Eternal Spirit of Justice and Love,
At this time of Thanksgiving we would be aware of our dependence on the earth and on the sustaining presence of other human beings both living and gone before us.
As we partake of bread and wine, may we remember that there are many for whom sufficient bread is a luxury, or for whom wine, when attainable, is only an escape. Let our thanksgiving for life's bounty include a commitment to change the world, that those who are now hungry may be filled and those without hope may be given courage.
Amen
(Congregation of Abraxas)

Sophie Quote

2009-10-05T20:01:00.000-04:00

I look forward to my Sophie quote blogs becoming more frequent. Right now it seems like conversations happen so fast that it's hard to note them quickly enough. But here's one that was totally memorable.

S: "Mom, that girl is white."

A: "mmhmm"

S: "that boy is brown"

A: "...."

S: "I'm going to be purple. In my face. I'm going to change. And be purple."

Tiny Dancer

2009-09-29T19:18:00.005-04:00

A few posts ago, I mentioned looking into dance classes for Sophie. After a series of websearches, emails, and phone calls, we discovered that Parks and Rec offers dance classes for all ages, including 3-5 year olds. The price was quite reasonable for the 22-week session of ballet and tap and we signed her up immediately. Today, she had her first class.
We parents were relegated to jockeying for position in the 5" window, but I was fortunate that Sophie chose a position where I could get a picture.
Miss Megan, the teacher, let us in for the last 5 minutes where they performed what they had learned: first position, plie, and they held their hands in front and turned in circles.
Sophie had such a blast, and next week they'll start working on their December 5 holiday recital. Now if we could just get her to take off the ballet shoes.

Learning to Communicate

2009-09-25T11:28:00.005-04:00

At what point do you realize your kid is really growing up? Is it when they suddenly start calling you mom and dad instead of mommy and daddy? Or when they play quietly in their room - door closed - and they prefer not to be interrupted?

Yes, sure. But for me it's the way Sophie has dealt with us taking away her sippy cup.

Months ago, we made the mistake of letting Sophie go to bed with a sippy cup of milk. It was a decision made in desperation I'm sure (I don't remember the circumstances) and one I would regret time and time again.

I've known the dreaded no-sippy-cup day was going to happen soon. Roy and I decided to wait until after our trip to South Dakota. While there, I let her pick out some new, plastic cups at World Market. We implemented a "no sippy cup" rule at dinner time. But still, for a child that never had a lovey, the cup has been a major security blanket.

This past Wednesday, Sophie and I had a talk. I told her that I had done some reading about her sippy cup and I found out that it was bad for her teeth and that it could delay her speech. I told her that she was a big girl now and that she had neat, new cups to use during the day, and that she could still have a sippy cup of orange juice in the morning and a sippy cup of milk at night, before we brushed her teeth. I also told her that if she wanted to take a sippy cup of water with her to bed, that would be fine.

This was not good news to our little girl. She wined a little, but I changed the subject and we moved on.

We have survived 4 non-sippy-cup days and nights. When she asked for something to drink on Friday she asked for "a cup of orange juice, no lid. Sippy cups can hurt my teeth", she told me.

Right or wrong, as a parent I am prone to make decisions for Sophie without really explaining them. She wants to wear shorts, so I give her tights for underneath, but I don't explain to her that it's cold outside. In my haste to get out the door I think less words will somehow make the process go faster but the sippy cup lesson has taught me that the opposite is true - if I explain to Sophie why we need to do something, it becomes easier and is much less work later on. In fact, she she may become an advocate. And if she disagrees? She'll learn to express herself and formulate an argument.

Ah yes, my little girl gets less little every day.

Three

2009-09-14T16:45:00.019-04:00

Last week, September 8, Sophie turned 3.

Is it hard to believe that this child who grew in my bellywho could barely focus on my facewho couldn't talk or walk

is 3?

Yes. No, not really. Kind of. It all at once seems like yesterday and forever ago. I can't imagine life without her, and yet it all just happened. Yesterday.
Sophie has definitely entered her 3's. Every hour is littered with "watch me do!" as she gets into downward dog and lifts one leg to the ceiling. "Watch me do!" as she stands on her tip-toes. "Watch me do!" as she crosses one leg over the other and leans against the wall in a very grown-up gesture. And I should correct her as my mom did this weekend on Skype. "Sophie, say watch me do THIS" but it's so cute.

At the same time, she can be ferocious and demanding, "Mommy! I want ORANGE JUICE!!!"

Whoa.

And those demands seem to become more prevalent. And I try, oh I TRY to react with love, with grace, but sometimes... sometimes... sometimes I put both of us in time out.I have heard an astonishing number of parents recount to me that their most difficult age was not 2, but 3. I can see this. There is a level of independence that wasn't present a year ago, as well as a testing of limits. She will ask for eggs, then refuse to eat them. She will wake up at 4AM and refuse to go back to sleep... unless we take her to our bed. She follows me around saying, "I want you" after we have spent an hour playing and snuggling and the laundry still needs to be folded.

We are seeing the development of her interests. While in South Dakota, my niece (9 days Sophie's junior) was deftly defending the basketball hoop while her mama dribbled. Sophie conducted an elaborate interpretive dance to keep Stacey at bay. I'm starting to look for ballet classes for her.She loves to paint, especially if Roy or I paint with her. I haven't used watercolors since high school and the honest truth is, they're a lot of fun.

She loves sleeping over at her cousin Aubrey's and asking Wendy Dog what sticker she wants. She sets the table for dinner and chooses what plate she will use that night. And she has informed us that she would like a baby brother or sister. She will have to wait on that one.

And at 4AM... during the meltdowns and the tantrums and the defiance, I wipe my brow and think, wow, I want another one of these? And I look at that child of mine and think yes. To experience more love like this? Oh, yes.

Home

2009-09-13T08:34:00.003-04:00

More than 12 months passed since I last visited my idyllic little town. Of course, when I lived there it seemed far from idyllic. The restlessness in me was too strong for the square mile border of Freeman, SD. But now... I can't imagine a better place to go home to.

From am's picasa

Another post about Audrey Niffenegger

2009-08-31T12:10:00.000-04:00

I read a lot. It's always been one of my favorite hobbies and I can track my life's journey by my favorite books. (Starring Sally J. Friedman as Herself - 8; The Diary of Anne Frank - 12; Catcher in the Rye - 15; On the Road - 18; Jitterbug Perfume - 22; A Time Traveler's Wife -28) I'm always reading a book or two and I'm not terribly picky. I love Science Fiction and I just finished my first hard-core fantasy novel, "The War of the Flowers" by Tad Williams (which was, by the time I finished it, good... but it shouldn't take an 816 page novel 450 pages to get good.)

No, I don't mind reading a good story by a mediocre author. (Dan Brown)

But then you have someone like Audrey Niffenegger who

takes
your
breath
away.

A week or two ago, I got an advance readers copy of Niffenegger's new book, "Her Fearful Symmetry."

This is a story about Robert and his lover, Elspeth, who live in first and second floor flats next to Highgate Cemetary in London. Martin and Marijke live on the top floor and Martin suffers from debilitating OCD. Soon after Elspeth dies, her twin sister Edie's daughters, Valentina and Julia, move in.

Valentina and Julia, also twins, make you ache with their complexity. Visually identical and close beyond reason, they struggle with their personality differences. Shy v. extroverted. Independent v. the need to be needed. As they find themselves in a new place, these differences become more evident, and troublesome.

And Elspeth is there throughout, watching and learning how to be a ghost in a most remarkable storyline.

From the beginning, this book is a mystery - something happened between Edie and Elspeth two decades previous that has caused a cavernous rift between the two. This unknown penetrates the entire book and the resolution is satisfyingly shocking, even if the end is... ah well. I must not say too much.

I've been thinking about what it is that makes this book different from other books; what makes Niffenegger's writing so powerful. Two things stand out.

First, she is unabashedly brilliant. I mean, yes, she's a brilliant writer, but there is no doubt that you are reading a book written by an astoundingly smart person. (And anyone who has met my husband knows that brilliance makes me weak in the knees.)

Secondly, her characters are flawed. They make mistakes and you, faithful reader, ache with the repercussions.

It's this intelligence, this reality, this combination of incredible writing paired with incredible storytelling that makes Audrey Niffenegger one of my favorite authors.

a night out

2009-08-23T11:04:00.012-04:00

Even before I moved to Kentucky, Roy would tell stories about growing up in "the neighborhood" with his friends Jeff (Fisher), Jason, Greg, and Josh. From 4th grade on, these guys... terrorized? No, that's much too strong a word. Let's say explored their neighborhood, mostly swimming pools, late at night. It's a rare thing, I think, to remain so close to friends you have had for 20+ years, but these guys have done it.

Last week, Greg and I talked about having a party to celebrate his, my, and Fisher's August birthdays, and he offered to host it at his place with his beautiful fiance, Stacey. We hadn't been out there and were looking forward to seeing his new life and getting to know his soon-to-be bride a little bit better.

Roy's mom offered to watch Sophie for the night as a birthday gift to me. She also got some quality time with Aubrey.
I have very few pictures of what happened next.

Greg is a master pit boss and he started the smoker about 10AM loaded with brisket, pork shoulder, and chicken. I cooked fresh green beans country style all day, and there were potatoes and fruit and bread and caprice salad and cookies (2 kinds!) and beer and the homemade bbq sauce dripped off chins onto the table. We laughed, we played hacky sack, we explored the near acre of property, we listened to the guys tell the same stories of their childhood that they tell every year and always keep us in stitches. Josh and I played music and explored the wonders of the ukulele. We met our friend Jamie's new girl and loved her. We told crass jokes and we laughed and we laughed and we laughed.

Then, around midnight, Josh decided to jump into Greg and Stacey's swimming pool.
(I should stop here and say that yesterday was COLD. We were huddled under blankets and wearing sweatshirts. By midnight it was easily in the low 60's and the low last night was 54!)

Fisher came next.
Then Greg.
And when Jason jumped in and the floaty noodles came out, I had a glimpse of their childhood.
They were in for a while because it was too cold to get out. But they found their comfort zones.

We stayed very very warm standing on the side and laughing at them.
We went to Greg and Stacey's with the intention on spending the night outside. We packed our tent, but when we got there and saw the mosquito-netted tent next to the pool, we moved our bed in there.
And when I woke up and opened my eyes this morning, this is what I saw.
Today is a day for laziness. Oh, I'll go to the grocery store and cook something simple for dinner. I'll work on my lists of things to take to South Dakota (in little more than a week!) and I'll love the open windows and softness of the couch. And I'll feel that warm, deep in my belly feeling of love and good fortune after a night well spent.

Swine Flu Vaccination

2009-08-18T11:51:00.003-04:00

So I've been giving the whole Swine Flu Vaccination thing a lot of thought. I have a step son in middle school, a toddler in pre school, and I work at the public library. All in all, we're exposed to a lot of bugs and viruses. I've gotten the flu shot in years past, as has Sophie, and I've been okay with it. But the H1N1 Vaccine... that's a whole other ballgame. Do I want to submit Sophie to this?

I read the Dr. Sears blog on the subject and I just wanted to share. I know other parents read my blog and I found it helpful and comforting.

update of a nearly 3 year old

2009-08-16T08:39:00.000-04:00

This week, Sophie left the comfort of her 2-year old room at daycare and went to the 3-year old room in the preschool building. What a great opportunity to give a little update on the wonders of my growing little girl.Each developmental stage has offered such joy, and I know that 3 (which she will turn in less than a month) will be no different.

More than almost anything, I have loved experiencing her development of language. She loves phrases like, "Hey, I have an idea!" and "I surely can't." She loves to reenact conversations, saying, "Mommy says, 'Sophie, you can't have candy' and Sophie says, 'but mommy, I want m&m's." She's had great fun talking about "cousin Oviler" and explaining that her grandma and grandpa are also Ella's grandma and grandpa and that her Granny is also Aubrey's granny. When she found out that her grandma was my mommy, she laughed very, very hard.
She loves Hide and Seek, but is terrible at hiding. She would much prefer to seek. If it's her turn, I generally find her standing in the middle of her room with her hands over her eyes.

Everything is pink. She wants pink for her birthday. She wants to eat pink for dinner. Although, she really wants a blue dress.

She's very curious and when we walk to the park, she stops at the same place every time to examine this little spot. (I mean really, can you blame her??)Our struggles with her a few, and for that we are very grateful. She minds us (for the most part) and we've learned not to pressure her to eat all of her dinner at one sitting, or give some leniency in her bedtime. Her eating habits are evolving and she'll love one thing one day and hate it the next, but fortunately she can't get enough of blueberries or cherry tomatoes.

She sleeps well, but there are the occasional nights when Roy and I head to bed and find this little bundle covered up in our blankets and fast asleep, all of her own accord.

This face... it's a sign that she is embarrassed or shy or just uncomfortable being asked to do something. In this case, she clearly did not want to be the center of attention.
She loves the computer and really navigates quite well, as long as we turn off the right click.
Oh, we have our moments with her. She IS almost 3. She is my daughter and therefore stubborn in independent. She would much prefer that I take her to bed over Roy and lets her wish be known in a way only a tired 2 year old can. She wakes up at 3am and doesn't want to go back to bed until it's time to leave for school.

But those moments are so minor compared to the joy we get out of our little nix nux being her silly, wonderful self.

Sprinkler

2009-08-15T13:59:00.010-04:00

Yesterday we took advantage of an August day that actually felt like August. We mowed, weeded, worked in the yard, I tended to my herbs, and planted carrots and spinach for the fall. Oh yea, and we played in the sprinkler

Riley liked putting his head into the sprinkler.

and Sophie had to follow suit.

What a joy to watch them play!

signs of things to come

2009-08-15T08:55:00.001-04:00

Riley started middle school this week. I picked him up after school.

Me: Riley.... are you wearing cologne?

Riley: (Defensively) Yeah. I've always wore cologne.

Me: Always since when?

Riley: ....yesterday.

Raw Tomato Sauce

2009-08-08T20:10:00.002-04:00

I don't know about you, but between my neighbor's tomato plant and the abundance people bring at work, I have a LOT of tomatoes. (I'd like to add my tomato plant to the mix, but it's pretty weak in the production department - the taste though is outstanding!)

I've been looking for cheap and delicious ways to use them. Last week I checked out Alice Waters book "the art of simple food" and I knew I'd be able to find the perfect recipe. I made this tonight and it was exactly what I was looking for.

Raw Tomato Sauce
Makes about 2 cups

"this recipe is only for tomatoes that are at their absolute peak: dead ripe and full of flavor"

Core and cut into medium dice 2lbs raw tomatoes (I used 2 large)

Put them in a bowl and toss them with:
Salt
1/4 cup torn basil leaves
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil

Cover the bowl tightly and set aside for at least 1 hour before tossing with hot, fresh cooked, drained pasta. (I used penne)

seriously good. I think it tastes like summer. Had I had a few bits of fresh mozzarella I would've thrown them in with the pasta, but wouldn't dare add anything else.

the not facebook photo album

2009-07-26T09:50:00.014-04:00

I went to create a new album on Facebook and it asked me to allow Facebook to have "unrestricted access" to my computer. Um.... really? After everything I've read/seen/heard about Facebook taking ownership of my photos, using them for advertising and basically asking me to turn over my content so they can take it out behind the shed and ask it to take it like pretty boy interns at the Republic National Convention, they are asking for Unrestricted Access to my computer?

yea, no Facebook. No frakking way.

So here's the album I was going to post on Facebook.

summer time, family time

2009-07-24T17:51:00.007-04:00

I told Roy the other day that both of us dealing with an insane amount of crazy stress at work just isn't fair. Couldn't we go through it at separate times? Despite the exhaustion of dealing with such drama, we're finding time to enjoy our summer. We've made a tradition of picking out the most delicious food from Whole Foods, packing a picnic, and going to the Louisville Zoo.
This time, Roy's mom came along for her birthday celebration (which unfortunately fell during the Bluegrass Festival this year.)
The kids loved the petting zoo and I wish I could've gotten on film Sophie's expression and joyous laughter when the gorillas went lumbering to and fro.

I love watching these kids together. I think Riley has no bigger fan than his little sister. I dare say he's fond of her himself.
The zoo was Saturday. Sunday we went to Spindletop, a local country club, for a Cornett family gathering. It was unseasonably cool, but that didn't stop us from swimming, drinking spiked lemonade, and playing in the park. Catching a REAL smile from Riley was one of the highlights of the weekend.
and this might be one of my all time favorite pictures. Ever.
In a couple of weeks, the four of us will head up to Roy's dad's land in Sadieville for a weekend of camping. With all the stress lately, I think a hammock and the sound of the creek is just what the doctor ordered.

jwb

2009-07-11T12:34:00.003-04:00

I was looking for the guitar tab for Famous Blue Raincoat when I came across the poem I wrote for my Grandpa Bixel when he died. I know my mom has a copy, but I haven't seen or read this poem since shortly after it was composed more than 10 years ago. I was struck by the emotion that welled up in me upon reading it again. I saw my cousin Wendy on Thursday night and she told me that she still cries for Grossmama, my Grandpa Bixel's sister, who died 14 years ago. I feel their presence strongly today, but can't say exactly why.

for james woodrow bixel
November 7, 1913-March 17, 1999

I see you now over a grand, grand piano
a glass of the finest red wine keeping you in check.
and your dear friend Wolfgang by your side -
duets of the grandest kind!
dancing with the angel that you met
when you were only my age
singing sweet songs with your sisters
smiley gaily at the world down below.
Socialism is the only way! you bellow from
on high
and I hear your cry
of lunacy and lucidity and true, infinite beauty.
you greet me on Tuesdays, and sometimes Thursdays
from the tops of trees
and shake your well formed
piano playing
composition finger at me and
smiling
command me to behave.
but ah, grandfather, I am young and don't easily forget
the night you had a bit too much to drink and
stumbled through the streets of Vienna.
so tell me, is it subert?
or schubert?
You are the only one who truly knows.
So dance on stilts and skip on the ice
and walk me round the block of life
telling me stories and making up songs.
I'll visit daily with a bottle of wine
a song for the ages
and a smile of honor
for I am the granddaughter
of a great man.

moving from fear into acceptance

2009-07-06T12:57:00.003-04:00

I call this one "Herbie in Sage".