My little helper

She just started doing this last week and I find it increasingly adorable.

toes can do many things

Last night I walked into the living room to see Sophie putting crayons in between her toes. These last two weeks have see a surge of knowledge in Sophie. Not only in her creativity, but her vocabulary has increased exponentially and she is finally stringing words together, "eat cereal", "mommy nap" and "I baby", which she says when she wants an especially long snuggle.
She's also become very good at telling the world when anyone within ear shot burps or farts.

Roy and I have commented repeatedly on how much she is growing up, and how quickly these two years have passed.

Ah, my little Wren is growing up!

a life in focus

Late Thursday night, my friend Adam and his girl, Annie, came to visit from Minneapolis. Adam and I grew up one yard apart from each other, in the flat, little square mile we both call home. Oh did we play! Mom has a picture of the two of us - probably 3rd graders - sitting on the sidewalk next to our bikes. I wish I could post that. Instead, I'll post this one of the two of them.
We had the best time, and Sophie made two very good friends. It warms my heart to see my childhood friend and my daughter laughing and playing together, and wonderful to meet Annie, a kind and generous soul.

On their request (they're on a multi-day road trip to Vanderbilt where Adam is doing research for his Fellowship) we did very little. We toured Woodford Reserve Bourbon Distillery and stopped for Mint Juleps, which were kind of hard to find. We cooked out last night, drank wine from juice glasses (I was happy to find two people who share a fondness for this unorthadox love of mine), and ate lots of cherry tomatoes off our neighbor's plant... especially Sophie.
It was a wonderful and relaxing visit. It's always good to see Adam, and I was especially glad to have them as my guests.

This was the prayer we read at dinner last night. It really spoke to me.

My brother the star, my mother the earth
My father the sun, my sister the moon
to my life give beauty, to my body give strength,
to my work give goodness, to my house give peace
to my spirit give truth, to my elders give wisdom.

We must pray for strength.
We must pray to come together,
Pray to the weaping earth,
pray to the trembling waters
and to the wandering rain.
We must pray to the whispering moon,
pray to the tip-toeing stars
and to the hollering sun.

-Nancy Wood
(earth prayers, p. 174)

After they left this morning, Sophie and I took advantage of Roy's co-worker's gracious offer to let us raid her garden while she's out of town.
When we got home, Roy, Sophie and I crawled into our bed and snugged. Sophie, who was obviously more energetic than her parents, patted our backs and sang us songs as we closed our eyes and rested. It was just another sign of our little girls' old soul, her maternal instinct, and that she's growing up.

It wasn't long, though, before she looked in my face, said EAT, got off the bed, took off her diaper, and streaked through the house. I love this age!

With a day and a half left in the weekend, I feel focused and like I have regained something of myself. Yoga has helped, as have your words of support and encouragement, and a visit from beautiful people. Yoga has taken a back seat these last two days, but tomorrow I will begin again with the deep breaths that whisper in my mind, 'yes....' 'yes....'

a gentle reminder to myself.

Life, at the moment, seems disorganized. Even though my house is ridiculously clean, my child is beautiful, happy, and learning so much, and my husband is still - after nearly 6 years - the man of my dreams, my brain feels... cobwebby.

Like I need to get one of those air blowers commonly used for keyboards, stick it in my ear, and have a go.

For a few weeks prior to my trip to California, I was getting up an hour earlier and doing yoga and meditating. Sophie impeded me occasionally, but often she would sit in the chair for a while, drinking orange juice and watching me, before climbing underneath my body on Downward Dog like I was her own little tent.

Around the same time I began my morning yoga routine, I also started cooking all our weekly meals on the weekends. I have found it increasingly difficult to work full time and provide a home cooked, healthy meal for Sophie. She is such a good eater (brown rice and broccoli, whole wheat pasta with blanched carrots) and I want to cultivate this. I missed the last couple of weeks because of the flu and then being out of town. I felt so out of sorts, knowing there was not something planned and easy that I could throw in the oven or reheat on the stove when I came home from a long day. I was able to cook again this past Sunday, and it was a wonderful feeling.

When I decided to give up my weekends to this sometimes massive chore of meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking, my trade off to myself was my morning time, my hour to be still. I suppose it's normal to, when push comes to shove, take a pass on yourself to better your family. To use that extra hour of sleep to... what..?

I need to remember that when I am better to myself, I am better to Sophie and Roy. When I take time to feel my body and listen to my thoughts, the patterns of the day somehow fall into line.

Tomorrow, I'll set my alarm for 6AM and begin again.

I think my jet lag has kicked in. It's 11PM and I'm eating a pb&j, wide awake, and still so very hungry. If I were still in the Bay Area of California, we would be in some manner, eating dinner. Just starting, in the middle, or contentedly patting our bellies.

This was my first trip away from my family since Sophie was born and I had to marvel at the contents of my travel bag. Please note the absence of sippy cups, children's books, stuffed animals, crackers, and diapers.


This morning at 8:45, my plane landed in Lexington after spending 4 days in the Berkeley/San Francisco area of California. My best friend is getting married and it was time for her shower a la maid of honor, so with the help of 4 of her amazing friends in Cali, we planned an amazing day. Spa, dinner, slumber party complete with our own homespun version of Karioke (Nancy on piano, the rest of us belting out Bon Jovi and Belinda Carlisle songs) and lots and lots of laughs.

But first, I got to spend two days alone with my dear friend. I finally met her fiance (Shame on me for not doing so earlier!!) We had amazing food. We drove across one bridge to get to another and gazed through the fog at the city that we could not see. We went to Stinson Beach (freezing cold) and to downtown Berkeley and had really amazing meal after amazing meal. And I finally visited City Lights and bought a bumper sticker that reads, "Howl if you *heart* City Lights".

I went to California when I was 14 - to this area, in fact - but one can imagine my experiences this time were vastly different. I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of people in the area and the traffic made me want to curl up in the fetal position and whimper. But what a time!

We saw this:


And we ate here:


And we got this done:


And were thoroughly pampered in our one-size-fits-all Spa robes:


I got to meet Carrie's A.MAZ.ING California friends:


Have a fabulous slumber party: (this is Nancy, Lisa, and Jac making breakfast and yes we were all up in time)


And I got to spend time with my best, beautiful, amazing friend.



I am glad to be home. Glad to hold my little girl and snuggle with my husband. Glad to be in an area with a slightly slower pace of life. But so very grateful for a 4 day vacation, shot of perspective, and introduction to 5 truly remarkable individuals.

Best of all, now I get to look forward to the wedding - in Newton this September! - and seeing everyone again!

it never gets old

In honor of my upcoming few days in the Bay Area, I picked up my treasure, my signed copy of "A Coney Island of the Mind" by Lawrence Ferlinghetti.


I love this one. (Blogger wouldn't let me put in the correct spacing.)


It was a face which darkness could kill
in an instant
a face as easily hurt
by laughter or light

'We think differently at night'
she told me once
lying back languidly

and she would quote Cocteau

'I feel there is an angel in me' she'd say
'whom I am constantly shocking'

Then she would smile and look away
light a cigarette for me
sigh and rise

and stretch
her sweet anatomy

let fall a stocking

Making Plans

I love the three day weekend. I have big plans.

As I look out the window, big rain drops splash in puddles that appeared overnight. I know that it ruins the scheduled events for today, but it's supposed to rain all day and that suits me fine. My goal: to get my house clean and laundry done today - Friday! - so I have the rest of the weekend to do things like make bread, figure out what to take to California (I leave Thursday!!), and play with Sophie.

Roy's not up yet so it's hard to say conclusively, but he seems to be on the mend and while my stomach continues to make strange noises, I feel pretty good. Sophie is enjoying being a lazy bum, laying on the couch watching cartoons. We're all entitled to these mornings. It's 7:30 and I'm about to get cup of coffee #2 before diving head first into the mound of dirty dishes that have accumulated over the week of sick.

Ah, but first, Sophie is asking for me to come cuddle with her on the couch. How can I refuse?

Happy 4th!

A bit of local humor.

the hardest week... so far

The last 7 days have been, well, awful. Awful awful awful. I guess it would actually be the last 10, but whose counting? My last blog highlighted the joys of puking. Little did I know what was to face me in the coming days.

I took Sophie to the doctor on Friday because she was not right. She was obviously hurting in some way, so I figured she had an ear infection - typical. On the way - in the parking lot of the Dr. office in fact - she pooped a massive, diarrhea poop that her diaper and shorts just couldn't contain. I stripped my poor daughter down in the middle of the parking lot, felt grateful for a few kroger bags in the trunk of my car, and took her - pantless - to see her pediatrician, who I adore.

Her ears were, for the most part fine. I was told was that the vomiting was over (hooray!) but that he had seen a lot of this stomach bug and she was starting severe diarrhea and abdominal cramping (hooray?). "I'm afraid she's going to have this through the weekend."

Through the weekend indeed.

One of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life is watching my child writh on the floor in pain saying, "Mommy... hurt... hurt..." and not knowing what to do. I was seriously close to rushing her to the ER on Sunday morning. She was so desperate, looking for anything to relieve the pain. Outside, inside, look in the refrigerator, go outside again... I finally got her to take some ibuprofin and that helped immenselly, but it doesn't take away the torturous experience of watching her, knowing what was going on, and being totally helpless.

I was so thankful to wake up on Monday morning to a happy, pain free daughter. Oh my, was I ever! I had about two days of her vile illness, and Roy got it even worse than I, but Roy and I... I can handle that.

Today I picked her up from day care and they had her school pictures ready. After Sophie went to bed, I picked up her school picture from last year.My how time flies! She was 6 months old in this picture. No hair. No teeth. And I have no doubt I was stressed out about something. We were still co-sleeping, she was still exclusively nursing and I was pumping at least 3 times a day. Looking back I can think of nothing but glory days. Oh to relive them again! I have a hunch, though, that the truth is a bit more complicated.

Here's the picture they took 2 weeks ago. I swear we brushed her hair before we dropped her off. (mom, I got one for you.)

"Such a little lady" my brother said.

A year from now, it's going to be something different. Something stressful. And I will wish for these days. Okay, maybe not the pain and the puking and the load after load of nasty, NASTY laundry, but the time. Definately the time.

So much changes so quickly. I try with all my might to hold onto time as it slips through my fingers. I can feel it as it goes. So every moment I try... I try to remember and hold and appreciate. The late nights in the rocking chair. The squirmy girl who wants EVERYTHING in the grocery store aisles. The temper tantrums on the kitchen floor over animal crackers.

Something tells me this will happened with Every.School.Picture.